And then I prayed for Him…

 

I write this prayer as a stone memorial for when we look back on this day many years into the tomorrows before us… whatever will be then, this is my prayer for Him. 

 

Today I cover Him in prayer. I pray He loves me as Christ loves the church. I pray that he will find peace with me on this journey as we walk into the next steps of life. 

 

I pray He loves me, leads me, and reassures my heart. Lord, you said, Love is patient and love is kind. I pray that he will love me with this kind of love. Lord, in you there is hope and I am building all our plans and desires on You. 

 

I DECLARE AND DECREE that I will marry my best friend, that I will be his good thing. 

Help to be his good thing. I pray that he will be my protector, provider and the one who I come to God with. Thank you for aligning me with Him. He covers me in prayer, Lord, and so I speak to you about Him because he is no stranger to you.

 

 

I pray that you will keep me on my knees in prayer over the years on this journey. I pray that we may cross many journeys with you at the centre. Help us pursue your blessing on this journey. May he experience open doors and favour. Help us always keep you in the loop of what we desire so that you, Lord, can be the foundation of it all

 

I thank you, Lord, for he has created a safe space for me to be soft. Help me never to take advantage of his love, help me to always see his love as the sacrifice of his heart. Your word says Perfect love casts out all fear. I thank you because he has put my fears to rest. 

 

I pray for providence. May you bless the works of his hands, may you bless his finances, and may you place destiny helpers on this journey that will show up mighty in bringing this union to reality. 

I pray for His plans, Lord, your word says, many are the plans of man, but your way prevails. May your will be done in our lives as we step by faith into our destiny. Help me honour him, respect him, be his helper and submit to him. My heart is undone Lord, I lay bare like the lady with the alabaster jar, and I surrender this beating heart to Him, for Him to hold my hand and always bring me back to your presence as the priest in my life.

 

You know my heart and you know his heart, Lord, and I join my faith with him and pray that you will fulfil our heart’s desires all for the glory of your name. May all honour and glory be unto your Lord. Your word says, when the time is right, you, oh Lord, make things happen. I stand on your word and rest my heart on your timing. In your time, may you turn this into something beautiful, something that brings glory to your name. 

 

Amen. 

 

HE PRAYED FOR ME

He prayed for me...

He bowed in prayer, and at that moment; He prayed to Abba Father.

That moment was a selah moment...

He prayed for us...

He bowed his hands in prayer and at that moment; he committed this journey to God.

That moment was a time freeze...

He has done other things. He has done some other things that would have been memorable.

But he prayed for me, and that has been on my mind.

That moment was a bliss moment...

He prayed for us, and I remembered the foundation of this love journey

Christ, the Master and Captain of this life...

And every day after that, I have prayed for him.

-Selah-

ENIGMA FROM EUROPE

 

The soul from across the border…

Yes…mostly soul because he caught my eye…

In a strange land and in a peculiar way. 

It was a passing moment, but my heart lingered there for a while…

I am not sure anything changes after you learn that 

You are as much mortal at home and away…

So here I am, writing yet another poem…

Immortalising, one more soul…on this journey of mine. 

He was sensitive but not in a conventional way…

He had rogue blended in his sensibilities…

He was in touch with his being…

But much about him remains evasive…

Like someone choosing not to be seen…

Enigmas fascinate me!

I touched him…

I talked to him…

I felt his being….

And yet, he was still an abstract…

One more puzzle…my hands would not put it together.

One more soul…released into my world.

One more experience…I am not in control of…

One more poem was written.

Why the Kenyan Election matters to the East African Region.

 

Getty Images

On Tuesday, Kenya went to the polls to elect its fifth president since independence, but

the vote is too close to call. As East Africans wait on the results, it is impertinent to make

sense of why the Kenya polls matter in the geopolitical narrative of the great lakes region.

Many of us are in anticipation of what the outcome of the Kenya General Elections will be.

As East Africans, we are critically watching the ballot outcome. Kenya plays a central role

in her neighbouring countries; Kenya is the central economic hub of East Africa and serves

as the commercial gateway for Central Africa and therefore, what happens in Kenya will

have strong repercussions in the region.

Equally, the Kenya polls will certainly set a precedent for other East African countries to

follow, regarding political leadership and democratic practices. It should be noted that

Kenya did not have an internet shut down in the current electoral process, a pattern that

has become commonplace with many African electoral processes, violence has been

curtailed and the level of transparency through the process has been beckoned as a

breath of fresh air in electoral processes within the region.

It should be remembered that the 2022 general elections of Uganda, were held amidst a

total internet shutdown and with heavy military presence and arrest of political opponents

and therefore, Kenya sets a new precedent in how to organise, non-violent elections, that

among other things is because of their electoral reforms that came after a rather violent

the electoral process in 2007/8.

The intricacies in the region lie in East Africa’s longest-serving Presidents, If removed,

there is a possibility that the region can finally deal with the narrative of a life presidency in

the East African region. The geopolitical placing of some leaders serves for a longer

the entrenchment of particular people’s interests within the region. Kenya stands out for its

the relative stability in a region where some elections are deeply challenged and longtime

leaders such as Rwanda’s President Paul Kagame and Uganda’s President Yoweri

Museveni has been declared the winner with almost 99% of the votes or been widely

accused of physically cracking down on contenders and rendering the ballot void of

transformative and transitional politics.

Democracies require not just presidents who bow out, but elections that are seen to be

free, fair and peaceful. Kenya is setting a new trajectory for herself, but precarious

questions to ask now and beyond the polls are whether the Kenyan election will birth a new

strongman in the region. And will there be a change in the guard of leadership or an extension

of the old rule? Those among other questions are important for us to interrogate and make

sense of.

While we wait for Kenya’s fifth president, it goes without saying that this election is central

into moving Kenya into the space for healthy electoral processes and for a better Kenya in

the long run. Fundamentally, Kenya has many issues at stake ranging from youth

unemployment that has been at a record high for the past five years, and stands at 30%,

Inflation due to the global economic crisis among other issues and consequently, whoever

takes the office of the president, has urgent work to be done.

Tricia Gloria Nabaye

Resident Research Associate: GREAT LAKES INSTITUTE FOR STRATEGIC

STUDIES.

OF DEEP-END PITS

Today I danced with the thought of suicide [Selah]
I am not brave enough to do it but the thought crossed my mind;
I am happy with my life… it just has been hard holding things together for a while now…
And the fear to ask for help…
People say call me when you need me but I have called sometimes and I could tell the disdain on the other end…
Also, my pride started to shy away from just asking.
But today I danced with the idea of suicide. 
For the first time…it felt like a simple solution to my problems;
I know I am not brave enough to do it…but the thought of it scared me a little bit.
Thoughts become actions…
Today I danced with the solution to living; 
Today I danced with the thought of suicide...

PS: If you ever get to the deep end call 
TOLL-FREE: 0800-21-21-21

TO LOVE AND TO LET GO

 I knew this day was coming so why am I hurting?

I knew you were never mine so why did it hurt?

                                         I loved you and yet for my sanity, I had to let you go...

Hearing you say you love me on the other end of the receiver broke my heart and yet…

                                                It was time to let you go 

This love broke my heart when it didn’t have to

Your love broke my heart. I had to let you go…even if it meant breaking my own heart. 

P.S: Ode to all the people we have had to stop loving in order to rescue ourselves. We know we love you and we know you love us but that doesn’t make that love healthy.

Hearts belong to the Maker

 You know my heart Lord,

There is nothing in my world that catches you by surprise.

Even the chaos in my heart… you are preview to.

You know my intricacies and the proclivities that make me… me.

You know my quirkiness and my stern diversion to principles.

But you also know my warmest self and my heart for community. 

You know me… me your Mumbejja. 

And so, I am in reckless abandonment to your will and purpose. 

My heart’s overwhelm can only be carried by the one who knows me better than I know myself.

And here, in the midst of all the moving pieces in my world… I release my heart to you. 

Be it unto me: According to your Will.   

29ish: Of big ages and finishing a decade well

It is my 29th birthday. Selah! 

I do not what it is but my big age is making me jittery, of course, I no longer have the flare that used to follow me in my tender years, I am quieter and bent on enjoying my solitude, I have a pet in the absence of children [I have decided that is the reason] I am learning patience, I am less impulsive, less sensitive and more forgiving of things not going my way. 

 I can officially say, I am at the heart of adulting, I have had my moment with how expensive saucepans and curtains are, the latter almost wipe me off but also opened my eyes to what bills, budgeting and finances are really about.

I have an investment portfolio, right now it is in pause mode because of the Ukrainian crisis but that too will pass. I have a cloud of witnesses on this journey called mentors, though buddies and cheerleaders. I can officially claim responsibility and accountability on my turf. 

Everything seems to be falling into alignment. And that is the place I want to be for the next year- in alignment. 

In all living, I am very scared of 29, at the back of my mind, is the resounding gong telling me to make 29 counts because it is the last year in the decade of my 20s. That responsibility continues to outweigh my dreams and aspirations. As if for some unknown reason, 29 is my grounding year, in a sense, I feel like, after 29, there will be very little that can ground me if I miss it at 29. 

Phew! I am very scared of 29, I desire to get it right, and to find my alignment in this life. To recourse, realign and repurpose myself for the next decade. I don't want this next year to find me still rumbling about getting it right. I want to have a plan for the next decade, whether it happens in that way or not. 29 is the year to plan for my 30s.

I also know that many of my plans will change as the years unfold but I want to hope that I will have cemented my next steps at my finishing plate in my twenties. 

What a time to be this old! What a time to dream and what a time to align oneself. I am hoping for the best certainly as I also prepare for the worst.
Here is to 29-ish. To be a full-blown adult with responsibilities, to desire more growth, to shape the journey ahead and to enjoy the moments in between. Here's to making it all work. 

29-ish

P.S: This was a 4th April Post.

I PUT YOU IN A POEM

 

Hey, you...

Seeing you from here doesn't put things in perspective.

I like you for me..heck I want you for me

Beyond that...I am clueless

So I put you in a poem.

                                  I see you dare to try...

                                 Will the stars align? Will you dare intentionality...

                                 You don't see it but I am anxious...This...this brave face hides a feeble trembling soul.

                                  I know that you are good for my soul.

I see you stern and sharp...

Rough on the edges but aren't we all?

I like you for me..heck I want you for me

Beyond that...I am clueless

So I put you in a poem.

PS: To all the men capable of making me write poetry. You unleash my rawest self ❤️

GRATITUDE FILES: NSIIMYE

I am seated at Admas Grand Hotel balcony... it is business gateway (and maybe the pleasure of enjoying clean air and serenity) So I can rightfully says it is a business and pleasure kind of thing. 

I digress, but sitting here has given me an opportunity to take inventory of where I am in this life thing, I have many times this year caught myself in despair and grumbling with what I am doing but I took a moment to pull up some gratitude files and I can really say, I am grateful!
I am still scared of turning twenty nine but I am equally happy with how far I have come on this life journey. There was a time I was scared I wouldn't make it this far but to see how much ground I have covered in 28 years! I am filled with bounts of gratitude.

In the chaos of the city, between fuel prices and the overwhelming mundane, you really miss it, you keep going and it is easy to miss the moment to stop and say, "Thank you". Thank you to the community around you, Thank you to God and it shook me that while I sat here, enjoying the cool breeze, I was thankful for a lot of the things that are happening in my world.

Twenty nine will definitely come and I know that I will be okay, I will do life and accomplish that which is rationally possible in my sphere and I will be okay. I am going to choose joy and fight for it. To choose laughter in the presence of tears. To  enjoy all the windows of life that open up on this journey. So, may twenty nine come, and may I be gracious enough to be on a constant journey of grace and acceptance so that my heart can always find the gratitude files archived on this journey. It has been 28 amazing and radically life changing years and I am grateful! 

I am honored to see myself evolve, rebuild and become who I have dreamed  for myself. I feel teary right now because, I almost missed it, but honey I have beaten the odds! I have built a whole world for my feeble heart to dwell in and it is beautiful to see. I have built a village of amazing women in my corner and let me tell you, I have a wonderful force behind me. I have done right by me...and yet I sometimes miss it in the chaos!

For now, I am grateful for the trails of struggle filled with overcoming that I leave behind. I am grateful for the village that makes it possible for me to keep going forward. I am grateful even in all the little moments of "What in the world is God doing right now?"  

In the chaos found in this life thing, I am okay, I am thankful and grateful..Nsiimye...Selah!

An Ode to “You”

 Hey you, yes you, I see you,

Here in a crowd of 42 million people, I see you.

I see you figuring it all out… sometimes chaotic but most times even when you don’t see it there is order.

Yes, you… I see you fumble with the lamp that lights your way. 

I see you give up… I see you get up back again,

I see you daring greatly.

Hey you, I see you doing life,

Yes, it is messy, it is tedious and it is heart wrenching sometimes…

But, it is also… beautiful, joyous, and everything in between the crevices of broken and beautiful 

Live through it all, for in every way… this life, is meant to be lived. 

WHAT BREAKS A HEART?

I don’t know if I have made a habit of penning my heart, but I find that I wear my heart on a sleeve. I am every bit my mother’s child.

Today was a beautiful day, it rained and it made me happy. But today also made me sad, extremely sad. Not for anything beyond the heart. What breaks a heart? I will tell you.

I have had my heart broken at the aspect of losing time, time to find a consistent and steady love. I have had my heart break at the sound of music that reminds me of bonds forged with time. I have had my heart break at the idea of almost, of beautiful stories that could have been made. 

Words fail me but I am speaking of what breaks my fragile heart so easily. I think I break my own heart from time to time. If not most of the time, If Benjamin Zulu was in Uganda, he would call me out of self-sabotage and my people pleasing ways.  But he doesn’t have to come by, I know so. And I am working on myself to either learn how to deal with my flaws or accept them. In every way, something gotta give!

I am scared to end up alone but I am more afraid of ending up in the wrong arms. And this fear has exposed me to all kinds of men, I am at the end of vetting a good man, but a man in a different season of life than I am. And that broke my heart… in many ways, I broke my own heart but also saved it. An oxymoron!

Maybe I will get it right someday not today. Or maybe I might never get it right. But I am sure of the fact that, if it causes me confusion, second guessing and unease—it probably is going to cost me a lot. 

This breaks my heart, but a good man in a wrong season is still the wrong man. Yikes! Tonight I write, tomorrow…I will wake up to raise hope yet again. I will live through a new day, breathe...excel and yet again, look beyond the horizon and dream another dream. 

It was almost everything, but I also know it was covered in extreme hints from me, dipped in extreme need to get it right and if I have mastered anything, I have mastered  breaking at almosts, a cycle that most probably won't end, if I keep believing in people's potential. 

I could write on...but I need a cup of hot chocolate and it is past midnight.

ON EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN

 No one ever prepares you for life and everything in between. Somehow we show up and start to figure things out and make them work, and then those that make it in some aspects make it a rule that the way they found can be the way for all of us. 

Everything in between.... but most importantly; the search for our soul mates and the need to be loved. 

I have not been very successful at many things but nothing has perplexed me more than the fact that I have not mastered love. It is more on the end of finding my person...how is it that I have not figured out who my person is! It does baffles me...a lot. 

Also what perplexes me as well, is the fact that we spend so much time trying to figure that out from one human to the next, from those that are just pacing the world, to those that could have been something, to amazing people that for some reason won't just dive into the "ever after" narrative and we end up in a cycle of wrong guy -right time and right guy-wrong guy scenarios. Isn't it exhausting ya'll?

Everything in between now and a future that I know nothing about is a bit worrisome for me but nothing catches me off guard as not knowing my heart's final home. How is it that I am not getting it, am I being too prideful to imagine that I should get it...the love bit life. 

Of course there times, I am oscillating between being the girl that has figured her stuff out into the girl with everything except one thing. On other days, I am swaying between "I need a person in my life" to "I don't think I can do the lifetime thing!" It is the mental and emotional gymnastics that has left me beaten and exhausted on what love really is. I know for a fact...it is everything in between.

I held a baby today, of course it fretted a bit but later settled down and cooed away in my arms. I have always found babies magical. It also peed on me: my little cousin said it is a blessing, I smiled at that thought but more because of the fact that I want a baby. But I come from a church community of religious radicals...I serve in church and all over a sudden I can't believe that I am failing to live this life because I am scared of the judgement of people...mortal men, whose approval shifts by their emotional whims. I am very disappointed with myself for caring about what society will say simply because I want a child before I have a marriage. 

Everything in between... there is a boy...he is a man, I want to say, there are men, most of them just won't commit, they say we mirror off how people treat us and I am wondering if I am mirroring off the "I don't need a committal guy" kind of vibe? I wonder...

My Mr. Good enough guy told me he wanted to play field, he was not looking to marry. He said he fancies me and yet his work was the measure he used to weigh his priority. Ouch! It hurts to write it in black and white but he was my safe choice in a man. A good man, just not my man...that hurt too...writing the truth of it somehow hurts than keeping it in my head.

Then there is this man who I have not yet met, I see in pictures but you know...what can a picture say really?  He came by and I don't know if I mirrored low effort but he gave off the vibes of "Let me just text and see if it goes a long way" Three weeks in and I am not sure if I am not mirroring the wrong energy. He just won't try and somehow, it burned my energy to try as well. The mental energy burnt in navigating the confusion in my head also exhausted me, what if he is "the one"? But "the one" would pursue you with his all. Should I compromise? But you are teaching him how to treat you from the beginning...low effort. How did other people get this part of life right? I am exhausted with the "He could be the one" monologue.

Ofcourse, I fear ending up alone but the fear of ending up in the wrong arms overwhelms my fear to end up alone. And everything in between finding the love of your life and vetting different men has often thrown me off balance! Most times, it has tempted me into focusing on building a lone maid's empire...but yet again, I still care what society will say and I hate myself for that. And I still want to have babies, the marriage...that is something I am still trying to make peace with, especially because a lot of men have turned marriage into a "prize" kind of thing.

I want to meet as partners, build as a team, be intense and real. Want the same goal and ran after it. Share power and build an empire, But I am alive to the power struggle in relationships and more aware of the laissez-faire vibe many people have for this life and for love and for everything in between....

I will end here...for my confusion with it all is a whole rant that can only be offered in peace meals...

I will wait for my answers....to everything in between...even to the unsaid.

Ends.

PS: If the shoes fits...wear it. 

ON SAFE SPACES IN HUMAN FORM: Episodes of Vulnerability

The pandemic will forever be cemented in our memories, for what it stole from but also for what it gave us. Everything about the pandemic came to shake our very existence.  In all the unexpected things, he was the most unexpected companion for two months. He was miles away but the miles created a safe space for me to touch base with the raw and unseen pieces of me. We often look for safe spaces, but this time, I found a safe human...certainly that was also because as an ambivert I thrive in my space as much as I thrive in crowds, and in the absence of one, he was my solace. I look back some days and I feel like I got years of therapy pumped into two months with one person on the other end of the call.

On dealing with past demons...

He had questions and I answered, he learnt a lot of things about me that I had not been able to look straight in the face for years, many nights I wondered why he was easy to talk to, he felt like a mirror you stand in front of and share the innermost and the unseen bits of life...it made me feel naked...vulnerable. I look back and sometimes,  I am embarrassed by how much he knows about me. I am working through my ability to be vulnerable but most importantly why it makes me feel naked and undone. Is the undone a good thing?, should people know that I am not as strong as they have me made out?

On dealing with present struggles...

We talked about the seemingly mundane work we do and its challenges, how my job was the dream job that also had its toxic financial troubles, how I loved the nurturing I was getting and how that dilemma has stopped me in my tracks to move on. He taught me how to build my  portfolio into the next job. We talked about his job, laughed about the things that make us keep showing up...

We talked about building investment portfolios, he is on that journey as much as I am. I told him I wanted to invest in a money market fund and he was impressed by my direction in investment. He acknowledged and on the other end of the phone, I smiled. His ambition very much fuelled my resolved to do better after the lockdown. 

We talked about siblings, the intricacies around marriage...the politics of weddings and numbers. He saw me through my first MC gig for a pandemic wedding. I wailed on the phone on the hard days and laughed into the dead of night on our seemingly good days. We shared lots of laughable moments!

COVID-19

At the start of the two months lockdown, he tested positive for COVID-19, I shared every little drug and remedy I had heard about that could cure the virus. He obliged except for a few. His recovery was our victory. We threatened to create our own line of drug options...of course we didn't but we were happy to have him in good health... I was happy...me and him.

On Mental Health...

At the start of the two months lockdown we really talked about the spotlight mental health was receiving, his relative had experienced one mental breakdown...a few weeks down the road, I was caught in burn out, anxiety and outright mental detonation and he was there...I don't know if it made sense to him but he was there, many times getting the banter of my many frustrations but willing to listen through them. Patient to call back when the storms had passed. 

On Faith

He invited me to a space for reading the bible, of course in that season I had my own favourite pastime as Sarah Jakes Roberts and TD Jakes...I shared every video that was released with him...I don't know if he watched but it was nice to share links with someone that "gets it"

I faithfully attended Bible reading and I enjoyed it, with the time on our hands it was an event worth waiting for. The word fascinated me...it still does!

And everything in between...

When I look back, I made it through those hard months because there was a person willing to allow me be me, to allow me have a good laugh and a good cry without holding it against me. A person who was willing to be vulnerable enough for me to be bare as well. 

Vulnerability still scares me...it will always bare the feels of nakedness and bone bare feels but for two uncertain months, it helped me feel understood and soul touched by another being. The end of the lockdown meant that the guard is back in full combat, the softness is absent...I can feel it, the mushiness of my heart has been replaced with a strong demeanour that I loathe so dearly but has kept me afloat many times as well. 

I don't know if it will take another lockdown or an act of God for me to unravel again for anyone in this lifetime...I am scared enough for what men can do with ammunition...I have seen it and I fear what man can do with vulnerability. But I hope that in this lifetime...I get to share that with other beings and create safe spaces around me in human form. As well as become a safe space for some people.

I am glad that in that season of my life...even though we were miles a part, he was there to see me through the seemingly long hours and he made them memorable. 

I am Thankful  for helping me go through the lockdown with a solid brush of raw friendship.

MR. MAN [On pomp, pride and self-importance]

The other day, Mr. Man was pompous in his ability to sway attention.

Mr. Man said…he is minding his business and any mention or forward of me was unwelcome!

You see, Mr. Man stands on shaky ground, with the inability to be “man” enough to be humble and yet own his ground.

Mr. Man disillusioned himself enough to think that the world resolves around him…in his desire for importance, Mr. Man was quick to throw around his money and his pomp! 

You see, Mr. Man was my friend but Mr. Man imagined that the world was rotating in motion around him. It was our fault, we let him inflate enough for him to float in air. 

So I am praying for Mr. Man to come back to ground. We are hoping that he will be able to dwell among normal people. 

But if he doesn't...I guess there was never redemption. [Selah]

Mr. man went MIA and had us tapping the dial to find him. He said the busy got him tied up. We are praying that the busy is not escapism.

Mr. man left his post unattended, we decided to learn to live without him. It is funny how you can learn to do without somethings...even people who used to be a norm.

Mr. Man will return someday, and we will have moved past his presence. I wonder if he will have cooled off his self importance... I wonder. But until then...

I hope you who is reading this will see yourself in the eyes of normal men and be able to live among others...well enough not to assume relevance beyond the norm.

I hope that pride might not blind you from how worldly crowns mean nothing.

PS. IN DEDICATION TO MR. MAN[Yemanyi]

DEAR NO ONE BY TORI KELLY [Of Life Theme Songs]

 

Music is a universal language. I have found myself  listening to Tori Kelly's Dear No one. Mostly because it speaks to the place I am in time, I am sold out to just sitting with being alone enough to have conversations with myself, do the work and get to know me without trying to find solace in someone, or something.

It is a classic vibe of breaking cracked foundations and building stronger ones. Tori's song speaks for rest, rest in knowing that in the moment all one can do is to be about the business that makes you thrive while you wait to partner with someone. 

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. This is a dedication to all single people, who have chosen to focus a little closer on who they are before the person. 

"Dear No One"

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself
Don't gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to.

But sometimes I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old

Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you 'til the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin' for my future someone
'Cause when the time is right you'll be here,
But for now, dear No One,
This is your love song
Ooh, oh, oh

I don't really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah

But I'd love to have a soul mate
And God'll give him to me someday
And I know it'll be worth the wait,
Oh

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin', I'm done lookin' for my future someone
'Cause when the time is right you'll be here,
But for now, dear No One
Dear Nobody
This is your love song
Ooh, ooh

Sometimes I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old

Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you 'til the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin', I'm done lookin' for my future someone
'Cause when the time is right you'll be here,
But for now, dear No One, dear Nobody
This is your love song
This is your love song

Dear No One, no need to be searchin', no
Dear No One.
Dear No One.
Dear No One, this is your love song

DEAR NO ONE

THE HEARTBREAK OF ALMOST(S)

Maybe it is just me but if it is happening in my world, it is probably happening in other worlds and in other lives. The presence of "almost"

The prolonged episodes of "almosts", almost made it, almost got the money, almost got the relationship, almost finished first. Don't get me wrong, I am aware of the blessings around and I am in the constant presence of thankfulness for the living present.

But these past few days have reminded me of the heartache that comes with almost having it and almost getting there in a lot of things in life. "It is such a cruel joke that the universe plays on us. One day, someone seems like a constant in your life. The next, they’re gone." 

I think we break our own hearts when we work far beyond the realities before us, but I also think hope is one ally that can drag us ahead of our realities. I am learning in my "almosts" not to count my chicks before they hatch,  I am learning the hard way but learning anyway. 

"And then, they remain a part of you—as a regret, a curiosity, a memory, remembered only as the name that pops up in laughter-brimming conversations with your old friends, or a song that you hear on the radio while you’re driving through the backroads in the October rain, or a familiar move of the boy who you could not have.. a reminder that sometimes, we just not have want we desire."

How to reconcile the gaps of questions you will never dare to ask, the affections you never got to share and the flood of what-ifs? that swam you from time to time. The universe will always play the game of the unknowns...the universe itself is the placement of unknowns. 

"Because how do you get closure from something that never burst open in the first place? How do you let go of something that was never in your grasp, someone who was never yours to hold? How could you? How could you move on? When it never ended because it never began." 

The “what if’s” imbue our minds. First, it’s complete and utter inundation, our almost love pervading our minds absolutely and destroying them heedlessly. And though its aftershock may seem subtle, it's always far more painful than the catastrophe, itself. You pick through every conversation you ever had, every lingering glance, every remark that was, in the slightest bit, ambiguous (and if it isn’t open to interpretation, you pry it open to search for meaning).

You wonder what you could have changed to get the ending you wanted. Maybe if the two of you were more emotionally available. Maybe if the two of you had met just a few months down the line. Maybe if you weren’t so afraid to ruin a good thing in order to chase a potentially great thing. Probably not, but who knows? That’s the thing—you don’t.

You don’t know.

That’s why almost relationships hurt more than the ones that tried and failed. Because even though the relationship wasn’t real, everything else was.

Because, despite everything, there will always be the knowledge in the back of our minds that, in some alternate universe, they wanted us back. Because we become addicted to the times in our lives when the person we (almost) loved gave us everything we ever wanted or even for a moment..they seemed to like what we wanted. Because there is still that faintest flicker of hope.

I am such a sucker for the unrequited love, the unfinished endings, the almost relationships. It’s foolish and irrational, but we can’t help it. It’s simply a part of being human. It means to wonder. To want. To aspire, and be utterly insatiable. It means to have hope. 

I hope that you learn to move from the pain of not starting, from the pain of feeling your heart burn out a starting fire...but most importantly, I pray that the stars will align someday and give you a chance to have your heart seen and chosen for a lifetime. For now...we heal.

Strengthening democracy is a civic burden for all

https://www.monitor.co.ug/uganda/oped/commentary/strengthening-democracy-is-a-civic-burden-for-all-3550584

 As we commemorate the International Day of Democracy, Ugandan democracy is 

under threat. Many Ugandans are willing to compromise on democratic principles for 

partisan goals. Some are even willing to resort to violence to help their side win. 

Extreme dislike for the other side has grown significantly in recent decades, and may 

also erode commitments to democratic principles. 

There are other issues rising in our society that are threatening the survival of democracy. 

The National Unity Party, which is the leading opposition party in parliament, recently refused to join the Inter-Party Organization for Dialogue (IPOD) on grounds of lack of equal partnership for the participating political parties, their narrative is that, there is a lack of autonomy of the institution with more stronghold coming from the ruling party. 

The onslaught of killings in the greater Masaka area that are marred in a blame game of political favoritism and patronage. The loss of two and half years in the education cycle for learners in Uganda, with nothing but a promise of an act of God in the future of schools opening from the Minister of Education. And above it all, the mis-management of the Covid-19 relief funds.

All these incidences speak to a struggling democracy. The anti-democratic attitudes, support for partisan violence, and extreme levels of partisan animosity have troubling consequences for democracy. Uganda is struggling with weak democracy, inadequate capacity in many state institutions and lack of respect for human rights.

Democracy is built on inclusion, equal treatment and participation is a fundamental building block for peace, sustainable development and human rights. 

True democracy is a two-way street, built on constant dialogue among all stake holders. Civic participation, civic space and social dialogue make up the very foundations of good governance and therefore, should be espoused. 

Democracy, good governance and accountability are development priorities clearly stipulated in Uganda’s National Development Plan. These concepts are also core values envisioned in the 1995 constitution and the decentralisation programme. 

Nevertheless, realising genuine democracy, good governance and accountability remain stifled by low levels of citizen participation, limited levels of awareness and appreciation of democratic principles by the leaders and citizens.

Meaningful democracy is built around the hallmarks of active citizen engagement, inclusion and equal treatment. 

Amidst the rising tide of threats to democracy, it is critical to continuously nurture an environment where citizens have the power to genuinely determine by whom, and how, they are governed. And upholding the truth that democracy flourishes when people feel represented and able to freely substantively participate in the political affairs of their society.

Therefore, as we pursue a collective future for the Uganda we want, through civic engagement and participation beyond elections, more Ugandans will understand the relationship between their participation and strengthening democracy.  Our collective efforts should be concerted towards a flourishing multi-party democracy anchored in respect to the tenets of good governance. And that is the mandate of every Uganda for such a time as we find ourselves.

Ms Tricia Gloria Nabaye is a resident research associate, Great Lakes Institute for Strategic Studies.

Vaccinate Uganda: The secret to our resilience to COVID-19

https://www.monitor.co.ug/uganda/oped/letters/vaccination-is-the-secret-to-our-resilience-3493684

If Uganda doesn’t vaccinate Ugandans, the pandemic will continue. According to the Minister for Health, Dr. Achieng Ruth, “we are not responding to the pandemic at the speed that we should”, wealthy countries are hoarding the vaccines and yet because of its global impact, COVID-19 ideally should be treated on a global response other than single-nation response. If countries do not start sharing the excess supply that is available, the pandemic will continue and will come with new variants.

COVAX an international consortium comprising of the World Health Organisation and UNICEF have a goal to distribute two billion vaccines by the end of 2021. The COVAX facility is an initiative that provides developing nations with access to vaccines. It is expected to cover only 10 percent of the population with essential workers of first priority. Therefore, developing countries have to find alternative sources for the vaccines in order to continue the drive to herd immunity.

In March 2021, 864,000 doses of COVID-19 vaccine arrived in Uganda. Amidst many challenges in Uganda, the task under the COVAX team was to vaccinate essential workers across Uganda. The doses were enough to vaccinate 425,000 people which is under one percent of the population. Uganda still needs millions of doses to hit the target of vaccinating the majority of its population and that is where our efforts as a country should be concerted for the next months to have herd immunity for the pandemic to be brought under control.

As a country, we need to rally our efforts around vaccination. While other nations are going back to live as normal, for us we are in our houses hiding from the virus. The world is certainly moving on and leaving us in a pandemic that was not our making and all of a sudden it feels like the HIV/AIDS era yet again. We can do something about it so that we can achieve at least 70 percent vaccination levels for life to go back to normal.

The pandemic is quickly becoming an African problem, not just at a national level but even globally. Africa is quickly being sunk into a corner where we will be fighting this pandemic in isolation, travel bans will remove us from the global connectivity and yet again stay at the mercy of countries whose medicine has advanced enough for them to produce more than enough vaccines for their citizens.

 With the allegation of Ugandans getting water instead of the actual vaccine, fears grow for our population as to when we will be able to get genuine vaccines so that we can leverage our immunity and health in the presence of the pandemic. We need to objectively look for solutions that will ensure that life can go on and Ugandans can go back to working and building the economy. Otherwise, we risk losing more Ugandans to the coronavirus and also crippling the economy with total business shutdowns while using lockdowns as the remedial measure other than mass vaccination.

 

Tricia Gloria Nabaye

Resident Research Associate: GREAT LAKES INSTITUTE FOR STRATEGIC STUDIES