WEDDING BLUES

(Written from reflections of 19th December.Stella's wedding.)

The weekend brought me some thoughtful memories of why I lord weddings.And why I would in anyway be delighted to be in the know of who the bride is.
This time it was my very own "Naka" who is probably taking honey to the moon! Love can be something Aalo! But let me take you through five amazing observations that were rebirthed in my sister's wedding.

1.The bride is always the bride.We looked good but darling,somewhat I realised you just can't beat the bride's aurora. You can keep trying dear bridesmaids.

2.The single men have the most important discussions that day,every single man even the photographer."Marriage is salvation" so the question of when are you getting saved is always in the air. If you see that young man in thought on a wedding,give him sometime to come to terms with words like,wedding,marriage,love,more love,babies,together,ours,us...in that moment he could use a definition that makes him decide on what to do. (But don't pay him attention it's not his wedding)

3.They always(everyone) start to feel so much love. I think I always fell for someone on a wedding day.And then woke up wondering why it was over soon. The married people see themselves for the first time re-living their own weddings.And me?I feel like a bridesmaid and every thing that I want to be.

4.If you didn't eat cake,you didn't (always remember) attend the reception. The beauty in one piece of cake is a seal to your memory. Everyone back home will ask for cake(count on it) They sound something like this,"Eeh,welcome back...you were really smart,have you brought some cake?" And when your serving cake,you never miss to here a madam say,I want to take some for my child at home and blah blah blah. So make sure you eat cake,please It's a matter of life and death (not really) but apart from "abagole bawoomye" the cake is your other story.

5a;The day ends and you feel all the anxiety leave. It was always there but it lets go just about then...when the decorators start to take their things. The bubble bursts and you can't believe how it kept around.The bride is very happy,the groom looks very "hero" like and the guest can't stop smiling. The day really happened,whatever way it happened.

5b; You finally realise how valuable your family is.I love love my family.They can be a handful sometimes but always a pleasure to have. Marriage after all is a union of two people from two families.
That is what I can remember before the wine...After the third glass,the rest I need to ask Aunty Jo for the lessons garnered.

THE FACE OF FAMILIARITY: Of rowdy bavubukka and ignorant children.

Do you hear that boda guy that confidently says, "Size yange" to mean "my size" Or that group of young men, that keep saying "baby" Or much worse, the little children that keep on screaming, "Muzungu,Muzungu" to mean "White person." Yet a few find it evident of the fact that we have a society of people that donot respect people. It is that plain and I  have a problem with it.

When out of my normal day, someone cries out an insult that they do not recognise as such, is very annoying. I take offence because I have seen the irritation on my friend Choi girl because, not once but for the four years she has been here, she has been called "muchina" and she does not find it funny, yet the spite goes on. Do we actually, realise that the erosion, in familiarity and disrespect is making us a society of very ill- mannered folks?

Where do we miss it? Is it in the upbringing that we are not told, to respect other people and there spaces, or is it in the fact that some categories of people in our society feel like no one can do a thing to them? Is it a lack in education or in moral upholding? It is very disgusting! Yuck! Who grew such people? Does anybody ever get the chance to talk with them and tell them that it is actually wrong to hiss, call people names and much so to sound racist to the foreigners that are in our country. Would we welcome such an experience, if we went to Europe and our identifying title on the streets will be"Africa,Africa?" I see many people getting mad at the mention that some black people were ill treated abroad yet we so easily brush off our own failure to stop it at home.

I long for a day, that I will pass by young boda men or young men in any sense and have them not disrespect my person. I long for a day, that regardless of the mental pictures men make while ladies pass, that they will not live out their immorality with brusque words like; "size yange' I am not your size, your brain says you could not think the way I do, your words say that you are confused on the picture of woman that you make in your head bavubukka!

 If anyone, including myself, get a chance to talk to those little children that scream "Muzungu or Muchina", May we in position to teach them different. If anyone, including myself get the chance to hear grown ass men, lash out"baby or size yange" may we be in position to teach them better, because when they say it of one mama, they say it of every woman, they demean every woman walking the land. I am tired of asking them if they breast feed, since they are looking for baby. I am tired of looking irritated yet the same thing will happen the next day or a few blocks away. I am tired of grown men that have no limits to their familiarity at all.
For in due time, they will sire children that learn from them exactly, what they do.

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

Whatever it takes, that was the place I was at in my life. I had decided that no matter what I was going to push on and make it through life. And in all of it, whatever it takes was what I was to do to get there. Such determination, is what wakes me up every day to push forward. I am ever determined to see a better tomorrow unfold before my eyes, but it has to take all of my strength.

Truth is our dreams are birthed in the presence of many obstacles, and while we pursue their existence we also have to deal with the many gray areas that make it hard to dream or to chase after some dreams. Yet, we still dare to dream. So I embarked on finding out what " whatever it takes" looks like in my world and here it is;

1. God; whatever it takes, was God! I was going to anchor God at the center of my dreams. Knowing above it all, was  God and his will for my life. I don't want to attain anything outside the will of God and much less anything against God. So if it took God, I was going to have God to get there.

2. My attitude; I choose to be positive even when the reality of my circumstances said different.It was either that I be positive in moving forward or positive in standing still. The journey to our dreams and success sometimes gets stagnant and we are held by many things in one place but I was determined to see to it that I move forward regardless of what the circumstance looked like, I chose to believe that I can beat the odds of life and that is the attitude I want to carry in doing whatever it takes.

3. My networks; there is something about a persistent person that I like, they are the real proof of not giving up as easy as giving up sounds. And that is why at all cost, I can push my networks to keep trying to get me somewhere so that I can be able to develop myself through the numerous ways they mold me. My networks have been my knowledge banks to learning in areas I lacked and they taught me the face of "keep going, we are here for you"

4.My quenched desire for better; there is always a gap that lingers in our dreams, the desire for better. I have wanted and desired to be a better version of me every rising day. It is called hope I guess...hope that things will turn out well.That has been far determinant in helping me to push for whatever it takes  to do what I do and how I do it.

Therefore; from the far end of the story, I can really say I did whatever it took to get there. Granted that I am not there yet but trust that I have come along way to reach here. It looks good from where I am standing. It looks promising and I am doing whatever it takes.

A GIRL'S GUIDE TO FURTHER STUDIES

P.S: Well this post, was never news paper worthy. But I am sure it worth my blog and the eyes that will read it.(some dreams like writing for a paper evolve with time.)

My friend has managed to do a degree in Development studies, pursue two certificates and enroll into Law Development Center for a diploma in law and she is just 24. It got me thinking of the lines that have been drawn for the girl-child and how slowly but surely they have as well been burnt down without very few obstacles but obstacles as well. It brought me back to the reality that the girl-child has actually beaten a lot of odds by the time she comes of age. So what happens to life as she goes on to pursue her dreams and find her purpose in this world but of course, without forgetting to settle down and raise a family? There should be a guide to a girl’s journey on her way to further education but of great importance I would love to share a few pointers, I have searched about and most importantly how to waive through that season to the desired goal at the end of the day.

The Tuition: While further studies, could mean anything, lately it is quite the norm to get a second degree or a masters degree or even anything equivalent. But as well, the question of tuition remains strong in that journey. If you are going to self fund, be ready to work hard as well. It is actually possible to work and study. Prepare before hand for the strain, so that you are not overwhelmed in the end by the fees structure. A lot of times, parents are willing to pay for the first degree and then let loose the child to fend for whatever studying comes right after, so thinking through the tuition is mandatory if one is off to pursue further studies.

The scholarship; between paying for English test, application fees one ought to think of how to get the best sale for a scholarship as well. So then, look for scholarships that have requirements easy to meet before the deadline. Have enough time to research and read about the programs offered and then apply to as many scholarships as possible.

The documentation: Many post graduate and other after university courses will call for documentation (especially scholarships) be ready to defend that degree that you have, or the research proposal availed. It is the strength of your documentation sometimes, that opportunities will be availed.

The balance: Hitting the balance between work and school can be a fuss, especially if work is as of great importance as the degree. Be willing to strike a balance between the two. Create as much time for school as for work so that there is no incompetence in the end.

The sacrifice: While a lot of times, the venture for further studies come after accomplishment of many things and maybe mastering in a field one requires to study in, there will be chances that sometimes the opportunity may arise before all that, be ready for the sacrifices or having a lot of things happen along the path of study. Things like marriage, children and a job among others may be put on hold for a while therefore brace yourself for the sacrifice.

The success: No journey is worth going, if the hope of success is faint, so with determination and zeal, work to succeed in your further studies. I have found that a point in time, it becomes very hard for masters’ and Phd students, to complete within the specified time. But regardless, of the circumstances work at finishing and finishing well.

Life will take us on different journeys, but the pursuit of our dreams is not without beating the odds and standing brave, as you head out, remember that while success is our ultimate desire, failure also does come with life lessons to embrace. Appreciate both.

Good luck scholar!

ON CONFUSION PARTICULAR TO THE HEART

There was my fair lady...Aminata. The little fragile lady, the reason my heart beat every time. There she sat under the starry sky and in the warm January night. Her beautiful smile, fading off in the gloom that surrounded her heart. Why was she stuck up in the web of all the emotions she would share with me. But I knew my little girl far better than any one else, And I knew she was suffocating with unresolved emotions deep within.

Truth  is no one ever teaches a mother the art of telling your little girl that one day, she will feel love and pain. That she will learn sooner than you think that there is actually no line between Love and hate. No, all your life as a mother, you seek to protect your little girl from such a reality. But soon they grow up and they find that man hurts and that the heart has a lot of emotion it feels outside their ability to control.They then find out that there is more to the heart than love, there are words like; heart break and feelings and choice and love and most of all, a lone lover.
It broke my heart  to see my once innocent little girl, there trying to figure out what happens in the reality of her  life, that she found out that as surely as the day unfolds, her heart will be experiencing emotions far from what she knew. Was it great advise to tell her not to awaken love until it so desires, but when was the right time that love would arise, was it now and I was being aloof to the fact that the season was open in my little girl's life or was I failing to see the grown woman before me?

She finally spoke out,already into the new day. In a soft whisper, she told me the state of her heart. The confusions of  growing up and the expectations that are indirectly placed before her. It was not that love was such a mystery, it was the fact that the story was a jumbled one. There she was at the start of life, caught between who to love and who not to, she fought back tears, looking at the past and realizing it was always, one step wrong or one step from never happening. 

"Mama, it is hard out there, trying to make sure you do not end up with the wrong person and falling in love only to find a wall...it is the mystery of why the heart finds interest in another soul and yet decides it wants nothing to do with another. It is painful to love and not to be loved back. So much so also for those that love me, but I cannot love them the way they so desire. And the cycle goes on. One moment I am pursuing Christ and another, there is a man in the picture trying to drive me from that course. And yet again am back here, with my heart more messed up than it left" 

And the mystery of life was there for Aminata to learn from but most of all to deal with. At least my little lady was not drowning in indifference. Yes, the journey of love is one everyone walks differently, I could never find the right words to tell my daughter, other than the truth that, someday this will be all worth it.
And as I sat there, not wishing upon the stars but gazing in the dead of night, I knew the face of strong, vulnerable and love. I knew the image of Aminata's heart and I knew, behind all the facade of self confidence and boldness and wordiness, my little girl was as human as she could. Because she was capable of feeling love, just not yet lucky to find it.

ON EDUCATION AND SOCIETAL DEVELOPMENT.

 

"A country can only be as good as it's Education" those were the words inscribed on one of the public school walls that I was working in for a school term.

As ironic as it first sounded, it is by far the most true statement I have heard in a while. How can one be any better than the education and the chances they got in life. It goes to say,  the quality of the education of a country, says a lot about the quality of the people that that country has in it's society.
It is imperative on us as a nation to realise that the people in our society can only be a reflection of the  education we attained. Now, I come from Uganda and I have seen the quality of our education and it's basis, has by far been one to create job seekers than makers.

Subject to correction, Many people will argue that there have been many "uneducated" folks that have made it in the world of business and have tremendously become rich to the extent of even employing learned folks. And I am very delighted that such people exist but the level of their scarcity says a lot about the possibility of such an outcome.

You see, the education of Uganda has been taken through the test of time and has been found wanting. From the foundations of our education, lies a foreign installation one that has no characteristics of home grown lessons to give to the people of Uganda.
An education, that was meant to offer the white man, labourers in their enterprises(no offense). It is characterised with understanding European history, chemical details of tests done and accredited in foreign countries and it is just a rub off of what they have told us that is correct. Our education has made us into passive participants of the transformation that we desire to see in our Country.

The margins of our education, have left us slaves of a development that doesn't answer the needs and the questions of the day. We are a citizenry that is merely surviving on the outcasts of what our society should be able to reflect. I will speak for many graduates, that while one might have attained a degree, the possibility of having that degree come to fruition is a distant reality.
With exception to some, medicine graduates, lawyers and some few degrees that give no option but to be that which you studied for. Many of the graduates brought out of the system of the university end up in mundane jobs that do not put their acquired knowledge to use.

It makes it hard for such a society to develop and grow into a better society.Paulo argues in his book, The pedagogy of the oppressed," students are considered empty bank accounts that should remain open to deposits made by the teacher. Freire rejects the "banking" approach, claiming it results in the dehumanisation of both the students and the teachers. In addition, he argues the banking approach stimulates oppressive attitudes and practises in society. Instead, Freire advocates for a more world-mediated, mutual approach to education that considers people incomplete. According to Freire, this "authentic" approach to education must allow people to be aware of their incompleteness and strive to be more fully human. This attempt to use education as a means of consciously shaping the person and the society is called conscientization"

 So as we enter into 2016, the same people with the same education attained, may we make tangible solutions to make effort into nurturing a home grown education. People need to invest in institutions like Musa body technical University, into the Kiira-Ev project and into the talents of many people that have invented from planes to cars in our Country. Those people carry grains of Intelligence to the future we want. Instead of demonising the herbalists, we need to help and give them a platform to be able to advance their medicines and package and produce them for further study and for better discovery. The traditional birth attendant can be given the skills needed to create a support system for the hospitals that are by far lacking in personnel.
It should be noted that before the rise of colonisation and as well the far pinching no-colonialism, we had a great deal of local inventions, from guns to iron smelted weapons and steel ware. To working methods of saving/storing food to avoid spells of hunger. If we by any chance trade these essential heritage for a modernised, colonial mindset, we stand to lose out of the knowledge of that age that was able to think beyond the "banking" system.

It still stands to this day, I might be able to use my brain to write and to think on a number of issues, me and many others but one cannot alienate the fact that, a society is not any better than it's education. That UPE (Universal Primary Education) and USE (Universal Secondary Education) are by far going to produce half baked-society spat generations. And it is for a long time going to suffer our transformation, development and progress as a country.

Yet again, " A Country can only be as good as it's education"

THE START OF SOMETHING BIG

 

I remember the start of last year so vividly,  partly because it is the same way I always start a year. In an "all night sing" gathering of believers. But I remember it so well because I also had only three prayer topics tabled before God. A job, Masters and Marriage. The problem then was that, that was all that looked like was left to achieve. I had finished my degree in Development Studies and was at the prime of life...so all that was to show up was these three.

A job did surface and I started to work surely, I am still working and while the masters didn't materialise into starting, I did make progress in that direction to earn myself if the best was to come, a scholarship to go and pursue my masters. I also made visible steps into meeting people and dating (That was one hard one, its hard to share your life with someone) But I was in the centre of everything I had tabled before the Lord, yet the year ended on the low for me. I had not seen a fulfilment of any of my prayer lines(or so I thought).

In the midst of beating myself up, I realised how wrong I was viewing these three large prayer topics, It brought me back to the fact I was underestimating God and desiring my will to be done. Every dream has a season like the great Chinese bamboo and these are some of those kinds of dreams. I realised that I needed to water my dreams and prayer topics for a while until they burst forth to fruition and this gave me an insight into the things God does in our lives. In haste to see our dreams come to life, we miss to enjoy the process to the desired end.

For the first time, I knew God was up to something big, these years where the start of something great in my life, sure I might miss it many times. But a dreams only dies if it is not watered and it is given up on. A dream is always a dream for as long as one desires to have it nurtured. Nurtured in prayer and in patience.(it sure is hard to wait). I have had many times of chocking tears, knowing that the situation is having my hands tied and I can do nothing to change it. I have had days, where I wondered if anything right will happen for me, but only to be brought back to the fact that, a lot has happened this far to show how much success I have seen through the days I have had on earth.

There is something big happening in the background of my life, and so for 2016 I maintained the same key verse for my life direction as that of 2015, I feel the Lord still has a lot of instruction and learning to give to me. I will set my pace around the Lord, without giving up on my prayer topics, I hope to use the time of waiting to get prepared for so much more than I can think and ever imagine. I will wait because the season promises a better return. The season smells of hope and living hope at that. That is how I have chosen to travel through 2016.

I beseech you, you who is reading, yes, you will despair, I have many times. Yes, you will cry and weep, I have many times. Yes, you will want to let the dream go, I have many times but one thing through it all, please do not lose hope. The tunnel sure has an opening(it always has) so sit in the darkness until the train of life gets to the open air. Because wherever you are,it is the start of something big.

It took "GRACE"

This week started out on a low for me, as the year winds down, it must have hit me really hard that a lot of the things I had set out to do got barely done. Most of them, died in conception while others died in their manifestation. 

My prayer topics which were my goals this year, where rooted in Isaiah 50:4 " The sovereign Lord had given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.He wakens me morning by morning,wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed."

This key scripture was meant to be a foundation to my dreams and purpose through the year 2015. Yet my speech gave me away a lot of times, it  was not seasoned like salt,to instruct and encourage the weary. I managed to "labor" through morning devotions but through a lot of conviction, I realized I was missing God's great hand on why he would stir me up in the morning to his presence. I was not listening like I was supposed to and if  the foundation was not holding, then the goals were not shifting. 

Life can be so planned out and we forget God's hand on the things that he wants to accomplish in us.While I reflected on the year and while I battled unbelief and self doubt. I found myself standing on two doors, like how Noeline Kirabo says "the bridge of a breakdown or rebirth" I had to decide whether I would doubt God and his ability to see me through many more days of life or to trust Him with all my heart. It is easy to believe when everything is going our way but for the very first time I was choosing to believe when all around me, things were not going my way.

The masters scholarship, I had prepared to apply for was closed, the other two scholarships that I was planning to apply for lacked very vital documents,I had fallen out with two of my friends. And there I was,, frustrated at the fact hat life was not going as I desired it to go. But now, I see the picture clearly, Christ can satisfy me not these temporary delights. It felt more empty giving up Christ than giving up these desires.

In grotesque, I hoped that I could give up on looking to God and struggle through it all with my own strength. My friend Manzi, says there is no such thing as God, He(God) is rather an invention by the British imperialist (He has his many reasons). I think there is God, otherwise Ethiopians would not be Christians or anything else, for they were not colonized.

Today, as I sat reading from Grace Chun's thanksgiving topics on her blog (http://blogracechun.blogspot.com/), I realized that I was missing the bigger picture.Yes, everything can go the other way, but there is a lot that went right for me through this year. Yes, the trials were there but so were the good times.Reading the book, "Crazy love" by Pastor Francis Chan: made me realize through the words of the little Missy, Brooke Bronkowski in her essay," Since I have my life before Me" She echoes the truth that,"Oh, I will have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good.In fact that's all I remember, just good moments nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest." 

That truth jolted me back to my reality, I held my head high and saw the cross, in my face for a while. I do not know, what Jesus looked like, but his story is powerful, I see it change me everyday. Maybe it might sound like a fallacy but I believe in the good it has given me. Life is always going to be hard but the Apostle Paul, says it doesn't compare to the glory that awaits us. I might not be certain of  heaven but I am certain of the power that hope gives on this journey. And I am going to be thankful for that and everything in between.

It took Grace reminding me to read the Francis Chan books, it took Manzi, to bring me back to questioning my belief in Christ but most of all it took Little Brooke's child-like wisdom and the many thanksgiving topics on Grace Chun's blog, to look back in gratitude and jolt me back on my feet. 

I am writing my own thanksgiving topics, I am celebrating the life that has been re-birthed in me, I choose the rebirth instead of breaking down. And I know, I might forget this truth but I plan on remembering it's purpose each time, I ran into the hole of ungratefulness. And it only took Grace..God's grace and My dear friend Grace Chun.

WILTING SURVIVAL: A Soul Demise

Today, she stood at the doors of her life and she observed a pattern that had for so long trailed her existence. She thought of letting it all go, yet she did not.
She heard her gut give way, the outflow of her being was crushing yet she polished it up for the next day.
As she read the final lines of man's intellect and as the words gave birth to cynicism and doubt, she rubbed his name off her heart. He was poison in every way, a good man who would cause her death. He trusted his knowledge and forsook love. He thought less of the Gods surrounding the earth. She buried him there with many other dreams she had mastered to bury.

The year was winding down, yet in retrospect she saw her dreams fall in shambles. Everybody said tomorrow was a better promise than today, yet tomorrow was always no different from the today she travelled . There in the  presence of life, she was caught between what was and what would be. Her heart had given up on many people but to survive, people had to be there they said. So she walked off in despair and in desolate hoping that in the absence of what was, she would create her own haven.
The other day, she closed her heart from touch. She blocked out any potential ability to be seen as in need of love. So now, she wears her heart in hardcore garment, hoping that a little selfishness will redeem her.

How it grew so dark? We all do not know! How we all missed it was a question of whether we ever cared enough to reach out to her. Between the cracks of her reality,  she saw her dreams crashing yet she stood tall. The routine of life, brought comfort to her reality. She must have felt the emptiness creep in every passing hour yet even still, she kept going. She was the evidence of a life that weathered the storms. She was going to make it someday, somehow. Her dreams, had a life of their own. Through moments of passing they survived, they went on with her as though soldiers on a journey. She will make it to the end, her quiet determination proved itself strong.

A moment ago, she had her dreams challenged. She almost gave up, in the moments when the journey was at its peak.Anxious in the wake of a pending reality, she almost fazed out her push for life. I saw her strive, I saw her, swallow her tears deeper. She should have cried, yet she didn't. She had every right to break down, yet she didn't.It was going to tear her up yet she didn't mind. She missed it, she failed to see it but despair was eating up her humanity. If someone could save her, then the redemption would change her. But to her...no hero was named.

Her story is being told and I want to be there to see it end. Her death, we do not know but her life we will see unfold. The truth is she will live on and maybe find her soul's redemption.

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The dark tales of many of my damsels are reflections on life that I can only grasp through words. Not as real people but as real emotions.

LITTLE MISSY TALES

Little Missy, was full of life! It was an energy that came from a deep genuine love  that gave her a glow.She was a delight to behold.

Missy loved the far lands,she didn't know where that was but she hoped beyond all hope that  time will come when she would visit the far off lands. All the while,all that Missy knew was the little dusty road that closed off in her village, a few market days that her daddy would take her to and many days by the river that flowed through the village. As she found out that the heart can feel so much love,she also found out that the heart can feel nothing.

Missy's dad found love,not with her mother for she had known the story of her conception from the village folks and how her mother had died in child birth.

" Daddy had found love right next door, her name was Mama Kwezi, she was a very beautiful woman. The hills sang choruses when her feet befell the ground." that was Missy's description of Mama Kwezi.

The village folks started to envy the old man for falling in love with the  most beautiful mama in the village.Shestarted living with them,now a family of three.Just them, now Missy was sure she could get all the care and love she wanted from a mother,she ran every evening to the river to silently tell the stories of her new found love in Mama Kwezi,she would ran down to her only friend Tendo,who lived at the end of the river and together they would share about everything that was going on in the village.More often than not,they would talk about the city and the village boys that were promising the girls they were relating with a chance to take them to the city.

One November day,after a thrush of rain on the ground,Missy came out of her hut to smell the ground ;like most of us, the smell after the rain is magical. That day she learnt a new feeling,it didn't have any description.It was just a gut feeling that the heart can stop beating and yet one can stay alive. She felt numb to the ache and stiff to the jolt of pain that was beating in her chest. Across the yard in her father's hut,lay Mama Kwezi in a  pool of blood.Cold and near to death.Her slow whispers must have broken Missy's whole world. "Your father  doesn't love anyone,Your father did this to me" Those words made it impossible for Missy to speak for a long time,as Mama Kwezi gave her last breath so did Missy's heart. She finally could put a face to what her mother went through, the very reason that was taking Mama Kwezi from her grip.

"Daddy never returned and it was time to find a better cause to live,one that the village could not give me.It was time to visit the far off lands." she said as a matter of fact.

December left Missy more than an adult,she was different. She forged her way through the city and realised that it was not what Tendo described to her.It was far better than their little fantasies. The buildings were very massive and tall. They had iron sheets and never had she seen so many cars! She promised to tell Tendo all about it,when she got back home someday.She managed to get a job and also learned how to sew professionally. Missy beat the odds of life and learnt everything she needed to survive. For her father,she never heard of him ever since.

And then,something new happened! She fell in love. She never knew how one can gradually have a liking for another until it happened.It was different from what she used to feel for Daddy and so much different from what she had felt for Mama Kwezi. She loved them but not this much. He was different from the men from her little village.He knew his way and was confident in his strides.He taught her many things about the city and gave her a fairytale kind of experience. A few more months and she knew she would not love any other person that much,for her love had been give fully to Ssebo. She blushed everytime he said she was beautiful,he brought her her first kitengi and she wore it every Sunday to a near by Church. Ssebo made it impossible for her to think of anything else while she was with him. Until she started to hear people pity her. Missy had only listened to what Ssebo had to say, but now she had to learn what people had to say about Ssebo. Love can cause havoc,while Missy refuted all that was told to her,jealousy crept in at  the thought of Ssebo looking at another woman,the way he looked at her.Or much less the way he had taken her in his arms the day she gave herself away to him.She shivered through the months with fear of such a loss. She rehearsed all the nice sweet things Ssebo had whispered to her many times on their late night walks and on those beautiful sunsets most evenings.

After many months of denial,it happened! There in her own house she found another woman in Ssebo's  firm hands. For her it was now marked out, for her it was the line between love and nothingness. When she loved, she really loved. When she stopped, she just felt nothing after that, no remorse and much less hate.She just went into nothingness .And that is what made it different for her. She didn't feel a thing for her daddy and not for Ssebo.She didn't cry and she didn't even think of hating any of them. The reality was that in loving others, she had failed to make a line where she could start to hate.  The far lands, were no different to the little village she hailed from because they all taught her what lay between the thin line of love and nothingness...it was her.

 And Missy still goes through the motions of everyday indulgences, waiting for the next moment when she will love but as well dreading the moment when she would  feel different.

LOVE RAN BLACK:Tales of the town girl

See, she chose vanity over reason. And sometimes, she would forget what the mind had to say. But not so fast, let me tell you why she made such a decision.

There was a time, when she had  all that life could have possibly give. But one thing was a constant, there was always a deficit for love. No one was teaching her the right things and no one was changing, not even the ones that meant the best of things for her. She loved for sure, but she had a one way street going for her. So then, what makes it so hard for vanity to make comfort in her room?

The town girl, had seen the most of life, the town girl had always made room for her love and yet the evasion was taking longer than usual. It was just a matter of time before the walls caved in, there she stood unveiled to the fact that the people she once called friends were actually, vomiting venom of hate, anger and all that stands in the road of disaster. She was learning a new lesson: that people hurt and that the love so deep in the hearts of men was not visible in touch. The town girl grew cold with the touch of men, she grew cold to the love of friends. How was it possible that men could choose hate for love, how was it that hatred stood in the hearts made for love? That was the dilemma of the town girl.
The tears streamed all night for an answer to humanity's loss of genuine love and far beyond her hold, she learnt that to stand on your own was safer. She chose to live a life she could mark out, one she could find a destiny of no pain, no regrets. She chose vanity and a little of fun in the go. To find a redemption for the pain that hang in her heart.

So today she stands, alone but happy. Far from spiting tongues and vulture hearts. Far from all the pain that could not redeem her soul, for the love her heart desired.
Was she hurt? Very much so but she learnt that to let your heart open for more was going to cause her more pain than what she felt,she learnt well to guard her heart with reason, a little vanity and no regard for second guessing, she made a bed in making the heart feel a little alive in the things vanity had to offer. You know those things; manicured nails, a great smile, very expensive clothes, over the top hotels suites and more in the knowledge of this world.
The town girl did all that she could, to stay alive. She learnt the language of the city and she chose the adventure of the world. So today, no one can beat the town girl to the life she has chosen, for in it she found a re-birth.

Now she walks a journey I am starting to understand, don't blame her...life made her and so did the people in it.
 

REVISITNG CCEDU'S ROLE IN ELECTORAL DEMOCRACY: 1/3

Citizens' Coalition for Electoral Democracy in Uganda in the wake of voter engagement and electoral democracy joined together with other civil societies and made a coalition with a need of engaging the citizenry in the search for electoral reforms in Uganda in order to have free and fair electoral processes and elections. CCEDU through their many engagements with the citizenry in their two foundational campaigns: "Honor your vote" and " Face the citizens" compiled eight key reform areas that make up the Citizens 'Electoral Reform Agenda (CERA handbook).*

While the 2011 elections were deemed free and fair, one can testify that they were far from the picture of free and fair, given the impunity of many leaders, the arbitrary arrests, yellow journalism among many other atrocities that characterized the said free and fair elections. Granted that Uganda carries out free regular elections, CCEDU* through  the CERA handbook hoped to table eight important key foundations that push if not transform the electoral democracy environment of Uganda.

From the sidelines, I have continuously engaged and watched the proceedings of CCEDU and to track through the last five years, CCEDU has pushed for the reforms through a number of endeavors in the need for their realization before the 2016 general elections, among those were:

Parliamentary meetings held in parliament and committee meetings where they tabled the  CERA reforms in order to have them put on the flow of parliament. Also key note parliamentarians were employed to front certain CERA reforms individually before the 10th parliament.

CCEDU also distributed its own National ID observers to help monitor the National ID process that will then inform the National voter registry; to follow up on that exercise, CCEDU launched the "votability" campaign that helped to push the citizenry to check the voter registry to ascertain their details and polling station. Through the votability campaign, voter awareness and the role the citizenry have to play to ensure their votability or rather their ability to vote in the coming general elections. In that regard, CCEDU managed to make the Electoral Commission to push forward their deadlines in order to give the citizens/voters ample time to cross check their names and polling stations in preparation of the coming 2016 general elections.

Recently, the "Topowa" campaign was launched in line with the coming general election. Its emphasis being on voter awareness  to remind the citizenry that their vote counts at all costs and them voting was and will not be a waste of time. So indeed, "Topowa" as the vernacular word denotes is in a way a campaign to that reminds the people  not to give up their voting rights and as well not to give up their power to choose their next leaders.

CCEDU today is part and parcel of a monitoring and observation organization, that bring together 15 Civil Society organizations under the umbrella name; Citizens' Election Observation Network (CEON-Uganda) gearing up and getting ready to monitor the pre-election, election and post-election processes in Uganda ahead of the 2016 general elections.

Today, CCEDU stands at a marked line, in reawakening the role of the citizens in deciding who their leaders will be. In the need to understand such a cause, one needs to understand the CERA and assess its viability and its success towards delivery us beyond 2011 in our search for Electoral integrity and democracy. Join me as we, unveil the rest of this rewarding and effortful work.


*CCEDU: Citizens' Coalition for Electoral Democracy in Uganda was launched on 19th August,2009, as a non-partisan, non profit broad civil society coalition. It brings together over 600 like-minded civil society organizations to advocate for comprehensive electoral democracy in Uganda.
*CERA: The Citizens' Electoral Reform Agenda Handbook is a product of the tireless works of a technical team of experts who carefully studied the recommendations and proposals made by various election observe groups and individuals in the aftermath of the 2011 general elections.