This week started out on a low for me, as the year winds down, it must have hit me really hard that a lot of the things I had set out to do got barely done. Most of them, died in conception while others died in their manifestation.
My prayer topics which were my goals this year, where rooted in Isaiah 50:4 " The sovereign Lord had given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.He wakens me morning by morning,wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed."
This key scripture was meant to be a foundation to my dreams and purpose through the year 2015. Yet my speech gave me away a lot of times, it was not seasoned like salt,to instruct and encourage the weary. I managed to "labor" through morning devotions but through a lot of conviction, I realized I was missing God's great hand on why he would stir me up in the morning to his presence. I was not listening like I was supposed to and if the foundation was not holding, then the goals were not shifting.
Life can be so planned out and we forget God's hand on the things that he wants to accomplish in us.While I reflected on the year and while I battled unbelief and self doubt. I found myself standing on two doors, like how Noeline Kirabo says "the bridge of a breakdown or rebirth" I had to decide whether I would doubt God and his ability to see me through many more days of life or to trust Him with all my heart. It is easy to believe when everything is going our way but for the very first time I was choosing to believe when all around me, things were not going my way.
The masters scholarship, I had prepared to apply for was closed, the other two scholarships that I was planning to apply for lacked very vital documents,I had fallen out with two of my friends. And there I was,, frustrated at the fact hat life was not going as I desired it to go. But now, I see the picture clearly, Christ can satisfy me not these temporary delights. It felt more empty giving up Christ than giving up these desires.
In grotesque, I hoped that I could give up on looking to God and struggle through it all with my own strength. My friend Manzi, says there is no such thing as God, He(God) is rather an invention by the British imperialist (He has his many reasons). I think there is God, otherwise Ethiopians would not be Christians or anything else, for they were not colonized.
Today, as I sat reading from Grace Chun's thanksgiving topics on her blog (http://blogracechun.blogspot.com/), I realized that I was missing the bigger picture.Yes, everything can go the other way, but there is a lot that went right for me through this year. Yes, the trials were there but so were the good times.Reading the book, "Crazy love" by Pastor Francis Chan: made me realize through the words of the little Missy, Brooke Bronkowski in her essay," Since I have my life before Me" She echoes the truth that,"Oh, I will have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good.In fact that's all I remember, just good moments nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest."
That truth jolted me back to my reality, I held my head high and saw the cross, in my face for a while. I do not know, what Jesus looked like, but his story is powerful, I see it change me everyday. Maybe it might sound like a fallacy but I believe in the good it has given me. Life is always going to be hard but the Apostle Paul, says it doesn't compare to the glory that awaits us. I might not be certain of heaven but I am certain of the power that hope gives on this journey. And I am going to be thankful for that and everything in between.
It took Grace reminding me to read the Francis Chan books, it took Manzi, to bring me back to questioning my belief in Christ but most of all it took Little Brooke's child-like wisdom and the many thanksgiving topics on Grace Chun's blog, to look back in gratitude and jolt me back on my feet.
I am writing my own thanksgiving topics, I am celebrating the life that has been re-birthed in me, I choose the rebirth instead of breaking down. And I know, I might forget this truth but I plan on remembering it's purpose each time, I ran into the hole of ungratefulness. And it only took Grace..God's grace and My dear friend Grace Chun.
My prayer topics which were my goals this year, where rooted in Isaiah 50:4 " The sovereign Lord had given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.He wakens me morning by morning,wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed."
This key scripture was meant to be a foundation to my dreams and purpose through the year 2015. Yet my speech gave me away a lot of times, it was not seasoned like salt,to instruct and encourage the weary. I managed to "labor" through morning devotions but through a lot of conviction, I realized I was missing God's great hand on why he would stir me up in the morning to his presence. I was not listening like I was supposed to and if the foundation was not holding, then the goals were not shifting.
Life can be so planned out and we forget God's hand on the things that he wants to accomplish in us.While I reflected on the year and while I battled unbelief and self doubt. I found myself standing on two doors, like how Noeline Kirabo says "the bridge of a breakdown or rebirth" I had to decide whether I would doubt God and his ability to see me through many more days of life or to trust Him with all my heart. It is easy to believe when everything is going our way but for the very first time I was choosing to believe when all around me, things were not going my way.
The masters scholarship, I had prepared to apply for was closed, the other two scholarships that I was planning to apply for lacked very vital documents,I had fallen out with two of my friends. And there I was,, frustrated at the fact hat life was not going as I desired it to go. But now, I see the picture clearly, Christ can satisfy me not these temporary delights. It felt more empty giving up Christ than giving up these desires.
In grotesque, I hoped that I could give up on looking to God and struggle through it all with my own strength. My friend Manzi, says there is no such thing as God, He(God) is rather an invention by the British imperialist (He has his many reasons). I think there is God, otherwise Ethiopians would not be Christians or anything else, for they were not colonized.
Today, as I sat reading from Grace Chun's thanksgiving topics on her blog (http://blogracechun.blogspot.com/), I realized that I was missing the bigger picture.Yes, everything can go the other way, but there is a lot that went right for me through this year. Yes, the trials were there but so were the good times.Reading the book, "Crazy love" by Pastor Francis Chan: made me realize through the words of the little Missy, Brooke Bronkowski in her essay," Since I have my life before Me" She echoes the truth that,"Oh, I will have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good.In fact that's all I remember, just good moments nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest."
That truth jolted me back to my reality, I held my head high and saw the cross, in my face for a while. I do not know, what Jesus looked like, but his story is powerful, I see it change me everyday. Maybe it might sound like a fallacy but I believe in the good it has given me. Life is always going to be hard but the Apostle Paul, says it doesn't compare to the glory that awaits us. I might not be certain of heaven but I am certain of the power that hope gives on this journey. And I am going to be thankful for that and everything in between.
It took Grace reminding me to read the Francis Chan books, it took Manzi, to bring me back to questioning my belief in Christ but most of all it took Little Brooke's child-like wisdom and the many thanksgiving topics on Grace Chun's blog, to look back in gratitude and jolt me back on my feet.
I am writing my own thanksgiving topics, I am celebrating the life that has been re-birthed in me, I choose the rebirth instead of breaking down. And I know, I might forget this truth but I plan on remembering it's purpose each time, I ran into the hole of ungratefulness. And it only took Grace..God's grace and My dear friend Grace Chun.
