Little Missy, was full of life! It was
an energy that came from a deep genuine love
that gave her a glow.She was a delight to behold.
Missy loved the far lands,she didn't
know where that was but she hoped beyond all hope that time will come when she would visit the far
off lands. All the while,all that Missy knew was the little dusty road that closed
off in her village, a few market days that her daddy would take her to and many
days by the river that flowed through the village. As she found out that the heart can feel so much love,she
also found out that the heart can feel nothing.
Missy's dad found love,not with her
mother for she had known the story of her conception from the village folks and
how her mother had died in child birth.
" Daddy had found love right next
door, her name was Mama Kwezi, she was a very beautiful woman. The hills sang choruses when her feet befell the ground." that was Missy's
description of Mama Kwezi.
The village folks started to envy the old man for falling
in love with the most beautiful mama in
the village.Shestarted living with them,now a family of three.Just
them, now Missy was sure she could get all the care and love she wanted from a
mother,she ran every evening to the river to silently tell the stories of her
new found love in Mama Kwezi,she would ran down to her only friend Tendo,who
lived at the end of the river and together they would share about everything that
was going on in the village.More often than not,they would talk about the city
and the village boys that were promising the girls they were relating with a
chance to take them to the city.
One November day,after a thrush of
rain on the ground,Missy came out of her hut to smell the ground ;like most of us, the smell after the rain is magical. That day
she learnt a new feeling,it didn't have any description.It was just a gut
feeling that the heart can stop beating and yet one can stay alive. She felt
numb to the ache and stiff to the jolt of pain that was beating in her chest.
Across the yard in her father's hut,lay Mama Kwezi in a pool of blood.Cold and near to death.Her slow
whispers must have broken Missy's whole world. "Your father doesn't love anyone,Your father did this to
me" Those words made it impossible for Missy to speak for a long time,as
Mama Kwezi gave her last breath so did Missy's heart. She finally could put a face to what her mother went through, the very reason that was taking Mama Kwezi from her grip.
"Daddy never returned and it was
time to find a better cause to live,one that the village could not give me.It was time to visit the far off
lands." she said as a matter of fact.
December left Missy more than an
adult,she was different. She forged her way through the city and realised that
it was not what Tendo described to her.It was far better than their little
fantasies. The buildings were very massive and tall. They had iron sheets and
never had she seen so many cars! She promised to tell Tendo all about it,when
she got back home someday.She managed to get a job and also learned how to sew
professionally. Missy beat the odds of life and learnt everything she needed to
survive. For her father,she never heard of him ever since.
And then,something new happened! She
fell in love. She never knew how one can gradually have a liking for another
until it happened.It was different from what she used to feel for Daddy and so
much different from what she had felt for Mama Kwezi. She loved them but not
this much. He was different from the
men from her little village.He knew his way and was confident in his strides.He
taught her many things about the city and gave her a fairytale kind of
experience. A few more months and she knew she would not love any other person
that much,for her love had been give fully to Ssebo. She blushed everytime he
said she was beautiful,he brought her her first kitengi and she wore it every
Sunday to a near by Church. Ssebo made it impossible for her to think of
anything else while she was with him. Until she started to hear people pity
her. Missy had only listened to what Ssebo had to say, but now she had to learn
what people had to say about Ssebo. Love can cause havoc,while Missy refuted
all that was told to her,jealousy crept in at
the thought of Ssebo looking at another woman,the way he looked at
her.Or much less the way he had taken her in his arms the day she gave herself
away to him.She shivered through the months with fear of such a loss. She
rehearsed all the nice sweet things Ssebo had whispered to her many times on
their late night walks and on those beautiful sunsets most evenings.
After many months of denial,it
happened! There in her own house she found another woman in Ssebo's firm hands. For
her it was now marked out, for her it was the line between love and
nothingness. When she loved, she really loved. When she stopped, she just felt
nothing after that, no remorse and much less hate.She just went into
nothingness .And that is what made it different for her. She didn't feel a
thing for her daddy and not for Ssebo.She didn't cry and she didn't even think
of hating any of them. The reality was that in loving others, she had failed to
make a line where she could start to hate. The far lands, were no different to the little village she hailed from because they all taught her what lay between the thin line of love and nothingness...it was her.
And Missy still goes through the motions of everyday indulgences, waiting for the next moment when she will
love but as well dreading the moment when she would feel different.
