ON BOBI WINE AND THE VISION FOR THIS COUNTRY

After his interview on NTV a lot of Ugandans have been quick to dismiss the vision Bobi wine has for this country and the dimensions of which he will execute his presidency. From time to time, I have thought that Mr. Kyagulanyi is a change driver and not necessarily the best placed person to deliver the nation that we want but we are at a place where to live in the status quo is more detrimental than to have change happen. We need change to manifest and we need to see it as soon as possible. The dimensions of policy and economics  are a thing in play that will come along the way. But for one man to think that he can hold a whole nation at ransom is rather a place to start our discourse.

Omuntu wa wansi does not know any fiscal policy when he is being evicted from his land by angry megalomaniacs and most definitely they will not know those dynamics when they cannot afford one meal a day. The fallacy that orators make the best presidents should stop and while I acknowledge that Mr. Kyagulanyi failed to sell his brand of presidency in the interview we cannot dismiss his revolve for change in this land. The practicability of how he is going to do it, is something that he needs to start to polish with his team.

It is rather unfortunate that the so called elite are quick to dismiss Mr. Kyagulanyi on principles many of them cannot articulate as well. I am very certain that there is no way knowing the GDP of this land has changed many lives because in the hindsight we glorify GDP and forget to look at the quality of human life.The reality of what is behind fiscal policies and GDP is manifest in the quality of life our people live, the impunity and the digress that is evident in all spheres of this land. So don’t be so eager to dismiss the role Mr Kyagulanyi plays in making it easy for the people to see areas of change. Oration never makes for change and I am more confident in a struggle where the people can acknowledge that we need change in leadership and there after we can figure out how to go about that change.

I am very skeptical to go back to the polls with an old man that has declared himself the only visionary for the land, I am more overwhelmed to even go to the polls with an opposition that has the same Men parading themselves as the change makers. Something has to change, the old men need to let the youth take on and then lead them onto the journey ahead. Instead of Mr Besigye dying to seat in the presidential seat, I would be very happy to see him advice Hon Kyagulanyi and take him under his wing. It would make for better sense to see a united front on issues that will deliver change for us.

We are faced with dire poverty, bad health care, no schools, high unemployment levels and the only thing worrying Ugandans is how fiscal knowledge is going to deliver change. Are you even kidding me? I need to get a job, a good job because I have the skills for it and I have the knowledge for it but I cannot because I don’t hail from a particular region and I don’t have people in government to push me there and some dumb head is sitting in a job they clearly know nothing about and are probably getting paid for just sitting and you are here telling me about GDP and the crap. Can we get real? We have real issues that suffer the common man and that is what Mr. Kyagulanyi is trying to tell you. If the revolution ever fails, it will be at the expense of the so called elite.

PROSCRIBED LOVE

I’d like to think that Love is a choice, many claim it is but Love is more free will than we would like to think. You love who you love.

Looking back, the actions of my heart have left me questioning my moral valve, my integrity and most of all myself. “Is it possible that of all beings your heart would choose a married man?” I asked myself on one of those long “look in the mirror “ moments. 

To which I have found no answer. I am not sure it is anything to do with my morals but more to do with my heart.

The heart wants what it wants. The heart wants to have it all, Is it selfish? Maybe. Do I act on what I feel? Maybe, Maybe not. 

You see, he is going to call and I am going to shiver through my being. He is going to say my name, in ways I have never heard my name spoken. Whoever thought a three letter name would sound so angelic!

And so the warm feeling of his being grabs me by accident, I never did choose him, in my mental faculty, he was never to be desired. So how did we end up here? Him, so married. Me, not sure if I am yet a fully blown “Poisonous Ivy”

So, here I am looking beyond this heart, caught up in the chaos of teaching this heart to stay off taken souls. “He’s taken”, I say. And in that moment I break my own heart and mend it back again. 

So when I stare at the mirror tonight, I will speak life to the heart...to beat only after that which is attainable. To lift my song into the arms of a free soul. “But isn’t that choosing?” You say.

What is choice if you cannot get the desire of your heart? 

25

If anyone had told me that at 25 I will be dealing with unearthing the shape of my true self, I would have told them how crazy they are.

But here we are, shaping into the core of what will be me for a very long time, embracing the truth of who I choose to be and who I want to be. Shaping the narrative of what will be said of me. Here I am.

Learning that not everyone is as good as their word. Struggling to live with that truth.
Learning that I am strong and yet vulnerable and that is where the balance of life is.
Healing the brokenness with in me, embracing the imperfections in me. Crying, healing and resurrecting from the pains of being.

And doing life.

The hard bits of 25 have brought me back to the person in the mirror. Embracing me yet again. Soaking in the truth that, there will never be a more important person than the image in the mirror, me.
And yet choosing the way of love, to share of myself to those that need me. Selflessly, embracing uncertainty, choosing light and soaking in hope.

The hard days of 25 have taught me patience, grace and Selah(to pause and ponder). There are more selah moments now than ever. Times when wisdom beckons, times when deeper truths come forth and stubbornly sit at the center of my heart.

And then, there I am at 25, in the rawest form of being. Me being real, embracing a world that is capable of loving me and hurting and yet...I show up everyday with a smile from the wells of my heart.

25

TO THE ONE THAT HOLDS THE TORCH

To him that carries the torch;

We see you,

We hear  you.

In the midst of this busy life,

We hinge our journey on your truth,

Because we listen.

We listen and take to heart,

We see you in the eyes of change,

We see you in the hope of a Nation,

We see you, for you are the one we have been waiting for.

And we walk towards the light that you emit

We walk to get a shimmer of your tenacity

That we might get a chance to change this city.

And see the winds of change sweep the men out of their day slumber...

A man I know had a dream... 

In oblivion we gazed but yet the reality of it now lives with us.

So in your hope, we sit and believe for better,

In your zeal we pen our passions,

In your tenacity we have mastered a stubborn persistence.

You hold the torch to the journey ahead.

Stepping in every footprint you leave behind, we trek on.

May your light never lack the oil that fuels the fire to dream for such a Nation.

For your dreams awaken the hope in our contention.

Let there be light...always.

BROKEN

And there I sat,

Leg lurched and my heart un bound.

Silently wailing...

Not one more

Not one more

They never did teach us what mastering love looks like.

They never did teach us what breaking felt like.

They put us here only but to learn on the journey.

And there I was torn yet again...

And this one left a sting  and muscle.

There I was building a strong wall,

A wall to cut off the drama of understanding a human soul.

Not one more

Not again

Not another heart break

This one i will live through 

But this heart is done feeling

This heart is done reaching out

This heart is fast bound

Not one more human

Not one more undress

Not one more embrace

Not one more

As the last one walked away

I knew a sure thing

I was done dating sons of men

For they have thicker skin than I do

I might not know what this heart will survive on

But the love of men is broken

Deceitful 

Washed out

Scarred

So I pick this fragile heart

I pick this crushed soul

I pick this little hurt girl

And take her in my arms

And love her 

For in the reality of life

I only have me

THE NEVENDER LOUNGE: In honor of Joel B Ntwatwa(2018) R.I.P

Letter to Nev

The other night, we celebrated you. We listened to your poetry and we sat in the glory of its sacredness. I remembered you from that calm stance you always had, scarf around your neck and never the impulsive one.

I wear a band with one thing we seem to hold on to; Now more than ever, “Hope never runs dry” Yes, Joel...My hope is running deep into the joys of what you have birthed. Something is growing, slow but sure. I see the ray of hope built in what you left behind.

You still whisper loudly, you still speak words even in the farthest of galaxies.

Nev; We remembered how you much you made us all feel special. Today, I thought I knew you better but we realized in the fall of the night; that you loved us selflessly. Thank you for being our only personal person.

In your hope, we write of seasons passing, seasons ending. And we write more in honor of not letting you go. So we stay in this hope, In this moment, to live through life as our torch of light...carrying us on through this uncertain journey.

Beyond the furthest of this hope is us seated in joy for the lives changing and the lives changed in the conversations, interactions and confidence you left with in us.

We still burn with hope, in all we do...we know, you would get it. Even in these words. I feel you close by. Smiling and choosing not to say a thing until my bubbly self cools off. 

Rest easy Joel... Enjoy Christ (That is the hope that lasts even after.)

P.S; The Nevender Legacy continues to light a path in the journey and works of Joel Benjamin Ntwatwa. You can be apart of this effort by donating to the work they are doing in honor of Nev.

Letter to Nev

The other night, we celebrated you. We listened to your poetry and we sat in the glory of its sacredness. I remembered you from that calm stance you always had, scarf around your neck and never the impulsive one.

I wear a band with one thing we seem to hold on to; Now more than ever, “Hope never runs dry” Yes, Joel...My hope is running deep into the joys of what you have birthed. Something is growing, slow but sure. I see the ray of hope built in what you left behind.

You still whisper loudly, you still speak words even in the farthest of galaxies.

Nev; We remembered how you much you made us all feel special. Today, I thought I knew you better but we realized in the fall of the night; that you loved us selflessly. Thank you for being our only personal person.

In your hope, we write of seasons passing, seasons ending. And we write more in honor of not letting you go. So we stay in this hope, In this moment, to live through life as our torch of light...carrying us on through this uncertain journey.

Beyond the furthest of this hope is us seated in joy for the lives changing and the lives changed in the conversations, interactions and confidence you left with in us.

We still burn with hope, in all we do...we know, you would get it. Even in these words. I feel you close by. Smiling and choosing not to say a thing until my bubbly self cools off. 

Rest easy Joel... Enjoy Christ (That is the hope that lasts even after.)

P.S; The Nevender Legacy continues to light a path in the journey and works of Joel Benjamin Ntwatwa. You can be apart of this effort by donating to the work they are doing in honor of Nev.

On the Namuddu Poetry Lounge

There is something about poetry that awakens me and reminds me of the things buried deep within me, the joy, the laughter and the love that only words can voice sometimes. And there I was listening to the poems of my dear friend Namuddu, she holds the accolades of being my mum, after all she has my mother’s name. 

This lounge was dear to my heart, mostly because over time, when I look back on the works of the Lantern meet of poets, the “Bittersweet: Love is forever “ recital still awakens me to emotions buried and alive in me and in that recital Ann’s work was the highlight of the night.

So I went, without a doubt excited to hear her voice on the issues that trouble our hearts. At least my heart is painted in her poem “Raindrops”. Ann said, “when she was not heard by one person, she wrote for a thousand to hear.” But maybe what I would want to say to her about her poetry is that, it is the mirror of a lot faces, as complex as love is or as complex as we make love out to be, we find ourselves in the words that show up in her poetry. I will speak for myself, I have seen myself lose my innocence and I could tell the difference it had from my ignorance. I have loved and found a shadow on the other side, I have had oceans of love to give, I have grown numb many a times from the hurt, I have cried my heart out and I have loved yet again, sometimes I would be the only one participating. Yet the anthem still rings, don’t give up on love.I have smiled through heartache and yet here we are...long after love failed us, or we failed love whichever way the universe will sway the person on the receiving end of the poem.

Where I find the liberation is in the power of the pen, you get this strong emotion, subject, muse and put it out in words, and give it a face and make it come to life, that is powerful, that is a place of strong standing and that is a place I want to hold Ann at, That even when words flow from the spaces that we are in, the true power is in realizing that in giving these words a face, we tell the story of many people, in a few lines.

On finding Selah, I wish I had told Ann that a pause or a stop has never been a bad thing, if there is rebirth after it. She spoke of closure, I saw new beginnings. When we write, we give birth to new thought, new ideas and to new purpose. And even though we enjoy Ann’s poetry on love and everything in between. Knowing the little I know about Ann, I cannot wait to read the storm of knowledge that is going to come out of her essays. I have seen the power of her pen and that above everything puts me in reckless hope of what she will birth out of her many thoughts on Feminism, social justice, mental health and other subjects there of.

The Namuddu lounge was a Phoenix rising moment and I was glad to be a part of it. It was much closure and it was rebirth. I don’t know where her thoughts are at but I am sure they are holding up a holy fire of new work to be devoured.

Keep on Keeping on my Namuddu

HELLO ME

I am learning that my personal space is very important if not mandatory.

Often times we get caught up in the crowd and find ourselves losing touch with who we are. So you step outside the crowd and find your true self...work on finding what makes you you, your intricacies and all the gold that makes you glitter.

I have found me in the pages of books, in solitude,in silent nights where only me and my true intricacies meet.

I have loved me, I have faulted myself. I have cried and I have broken all the walls of strong and built them back and yes, In silence I put myself back together.

I learned the beauty of being alone, the beauty of following your song and of singing that song. In the busy of being who we adore or who we are not, there is a true us that springs from falling away from the cut out path.

I am learning what growing really looks like, appreciating how different people’s journeys are and how unique everyone story is, yet I also acknowledge that the story of self, is one to be ventured into and told.

Tell your stroy so that you might find your face, Tell it so that you can face those hard to indulge emotions. Face your truths and wear them like war masks, for the battle to find self is worth it.

In my silence, I learned that; I was resilient in my love, strong in my afflictions...sometimes too strong, exhaustive in my emotions, I learned to live all the emotions as they come, no bottling. And most of all, I learned to love me...more fiercely. In those alone moments I learned that I am enough maybe more resoundingly more than enough.

I learned to trust my gut even when U might make mistakes, they are lessons I am willing to learn. I learned to let my light shine, there is always someone in the dark. I learned to be me...unapologetically.

I hope you find you,

I hope you love you,

And I hope you overflow, for others to bequeath your love too.

AFTER A WHILE

After a while you learn
After a while you understand

After a while you learn to let go
After a while you learn that to walk away was always better than to stay

After a while you understand that love is not enough
After a while you understand that you were never the one.

So pick your bruised self and start to heal
Get up from the wallows of your tears and start to live
Redeem yourself from the grip that once held you captive

For in the while, you heal
In the while,you grow
In the while you learn to love yet again.

On Uganda

If in the ever changing system of governance I was given the powers to weild change and cause a shift in the social and economical development of this land; I would in three ways wish to uplift this land, not in negation of the other areas but in hope that development in these key areas would and can cause major transformation for our country and still cause sustainable development in the long run

Language
It has been said and it is still said; That no Nation can develop in a foreign language. And over time countries that have gained great development have done so in their native languages and have surpassed the cut out trends for development. For example one of the reasons that helped the Asian tigers to develop was their language and all development was conducted in a language particular to their Nation. Therefore I would work on enforcing a unifying language,one chosen by the people and spoken widely. While every tribe will have the liberty of keeping their native language, they will be oriented on using the unifying language as the official language of this land.So we have an inclusive dialogue among each other.

Education
I would do a revision of the available syllabus and work towards practical subjects and towards an education that encompasses the nature of country that we are, digs deep into the African, East African and Uganda issues of the past,present and possible future.
I would invest in hands on skilling, in technical institutes through equipping them with the necessary tools and spaces to provide adequate training of students in their custody.

I would also invest in free education,bent towards scholarships and grants for outstanding performers and underprivileged but intelligent students. I would also invest in research hubs for university students to help them invest in knowledge development other than knowledge consumption.

In the first two solutions,my target or rather end goal would be to harness human capital,to create a people that are proud of their heritage and know their history. To equally create a people that are greatly skilled to create jobs and increase on the job market of this Country.

Industrialization and urbanization
In urbanization I would invest in rural electrification and industrialization. I would push for industrial hubs to be created it of the CBD and have good road works to help increase on the accessibility of goods and services to the end users.
      
I would invest in a tube/subway system to reduce on time wasted on the jammed up roads leading to different industrial hubs.And in that way deal with the number of vehicles that access the Central Business District.

I would invest in Buy Uganda Build Uganda companies owned by Ugandans and also reduce on the goods imported into the country.

I would push for agricultural industrialization and work towards providing markets for value added food stuffs I order to push the farmers to improve on the end products and in the long run,increase their earnings of the increased value of produce from the country.

In conclusion, it is only a dream until some one takes the mantle to run with it and bring it into fruition. What our leaders lack mostly is the patriotism that they should have as servants of this land. There is little that is impossible in a society that has leaders that are for the land and not for the money.

So we dream on, we dream that in investing in these areas we will have a people for the land and a people with the desire to better improve their mother land. We will have better educated women and ready to serve their land. But until that day,may the children dream of a better land.

For God and My Country.

Of Bobi wine and Virtual concerts

In the wake of Facebook live and many other ways to get the people to watch the Nation progress, In the wake of Virtual Private Networks and every other way to get the people to connect. I am of the view that Bobi wine can host a watch party on Facebook live and then make a breakthrough even in countries far and beyond.

A mini concert right after his Kyarenga concert (If it ever happens on the 9th of November),right in his compound in Magere or at Busabala would be a very great way to share his music,politics and love globally. I am borrowing this from Afrie. Afrie held a Facebook live concert,one of it’s kind, new,fresh and for a very long time will be a great imprint on her music career.

I am for a change in dynamics, a new thing would do us good and guess what, UCC will have another challenge to face in the ever dynamic world of the young people today.
I am pretty sure many news networks will be able to share this live stream of the concert. We have an icon in Bobi wine.

Someone sell this idea to Mr.Kyagulanyi.

It's how the light gets in

Many times life brings us to places where our resolve,  vulnerability and abilities are put to the forefront.  I know that vulnerability is rare because the world is teaching everyone to be strong,  keep our heads up and to always have it together most of the time. 

But I  have also seen the consequences of refusing to embrace vulnerability...a hardened heart, a numbness  that becomes familiar to us in many ways.  I know so because I have been there. 

He was tall, everyone said,  we should meet each other long before they could find out that we did meet before they could put us together.  I loved him enough to go out with him and a long the way...came the realization that he was emotionally unavailable... scarred and scared to be in a relationship. It felt like an excuse until I  found out his story.

He had been fooled not once but twice,  a lady held a baby in her womb that wasn't his but made him take care of it until on the delivery bed,  when he met face to face with the real father of the Child,  he thought he sired... As he told the story,  I lived his pain.  And here we were...in love yet one of us couldn't give the best of his life because somewhat, the hurt still lingered. 

And I bade him goodbye eventually and for the very first time... I felt my heart break. 

And as sure as broken hearts heals,  so do we find love again.  I did grow out if the ache,  I lived numb but alive.  I survived most times and in moments I never thought of, Love found me. 

He was (for lack of a better word)  Out of his league, me his friend of many years,  not looking to date... Him most probably looking for a fling to wade through.  And there he was playing with the fire that I am. We eventually found middle ground,  I loved him if I am to speak for myself and for the most part of it I think I was guilty of the adagae that he would loves the most hurts the most.  And in all the love that he gave me... I gave double. 

I have been accused of loving too much,  but my argument is love is a mastery of everything that you are and if you cannot give your all,  how then do you hope to make love abide in you? 

He was so much my soul mate because he mirrored the flaws and dynamites that made me me.  In him,  I saw my very self  and I found pieces of me that where hidden. 

He taught me to love myself and to find beauty in my chaos.  He spoke to me in the highest accord of intellect... Awoke my brain to discourse unimaginable and then one day he was gone...

I waited for him to be back,  I yearned to bask in the familiarity of his arms but there was only an ache at the other end.

I feared for my heart again,  I stayed awake many nights praying for this heart not to break. 

I prayed not to break apart and on one lone night after many nights of dreading,  I resolved that if I was to break,  I would feel it with the intestity  that I had loved him.  I have come to learn that to find your soul mate doesn't necessarily mean that you will end up with them... Often times,  it is too painful.  Soul mates serve a purpose for a time. ( I didn't know that then) 

But on that lone night,  I let him go. I stopped waiting,  I stopped hoping that he would be back,  his purpose in my life was over.  And that is when I broke open. 

I felt the heart break,  embraced it,  went through it,  cried,  wallowed,  nursed the ache,  wished it would end,  had a pity party for myself and just when I thought that this life would end,  I found the light break through. I saw myself rise from the pain,  the scorn,  the obsession with losing love. 

When I look back on the purpose of these two men,  the former took me through a phase of numbness even after I went through the heart break.  I stop to cry,  I stopped to feel and no amount of pain gave me an opening to feel.  The years died away blunt and dark and yet I lived. 

The former taught me how to love me right back to restoration,  in him leaving,  he gave me back my ability to be anything that I wanted to be. He gave me back myself and like a thread untangled from a cloth,  I felt myself unravel into a version of me that I have waited to meet. 

Talk about "a fall in the pit and a gain in the wit"

So here I am,  learning that we break sometimes  or even many times  but it is in our brokenness that the light gets in.  And this light makes way into our beings and restores us back.  It is in our dark moments that the sun shines brightest because we need the light to find us and bring us back redemption for the broken pieces we hold. 

God bless the broken roads of our lives,  they have led us straight into beautiful ends.  

GRIEF HAS A FACE

There is something about grief that makes me humble.
Humble to the reality that it is a mater of time before all this fades away into a distant memory.

Grief re-echoes my limitations my fears and my vulnerabilities. In the quiet of my pain, I wary and worry for the impending future. I then hope to find peace within for what is yet to come.
I wonder if the dead have it easier, if only they would tell us. I ache with the pain of knowing that this life makes it impossible to go the long stretch  without re-sounding the bells of pain and fear, heartache and grief.

So I sit here, caught in my grief, captured ever so to what is unknown to me.
When will the darkness lift? If it lifts how do I pick up my cage and rebuild new walls? Do I just go on with my grief hanging around my sleeve? Will this pain ever be redeemed? Will loving another soul change the story? For I know the tale keeps on, the cycle doesn't change.

So I grieve and carry my heart open. I grieve and let the tears flow. I let the ache for a while, for no one ever tells you of the amount of pain in grieving. Grief has a face.

But ever so subtle and real, I hear a still small voice say; " Earth has no sorrow that heaven can't heal" And in that moment I know, everything will be just fine.

IN MY EULOGY

 In my eulogy

Remember that I lived

That I stood the taste of time

Remember that I made it to this end

That I fought the good fight!

And in my eulogy

Remember that I loved in my own way

Remember that I cried for my dear ones

And remember that I shared this life with them

And in my eulogy,

Laugh!

Laugh at the mistakes I made

For in those moments I was human

Imperfect to the core!

Mourn the things I didn’t get to do

For in them, was my hope for a better day;

And then dust off!

Right there as you sum up the life that I lived

Dust off and move on

Keep living

Keep laughing

Keep merry

Make sure you eat

And dance and stay happy

For I want you to keep on keeping on

I want you to be happy

To be hopeful

That while I am gone...

I am only off to the other side

Until then

Sing the psalms of life lived hopeful.

For I will be in resting for a very long time

So long dear ones.

And then you will say

Rest child...Rest In paradise