I’d like to think that Love is a choice, many claim it is but Love is more free will than we would like to think. You love who you love.
Looking back, the actions of my heart have left me questioning my moral valve, my integrity and most of all myself. “Is it possible that of all beings your heart would choose a married man?” I asked myself on one of those long “look in the mirror “ moments.
To which I have found no answer. I am not sure it is anything to do with my morals but more to do with my heart.
The heart wants what it wants. The heart wants to have it all, Is it selfish? Maybe. Do I act on what I feel? Maybe, Maybe not.
You see, he is going to call and I am going to shiver through my being. He is going to say my name, in ways I have never heard my name spoken. Whoever thought a three letter name would sound so angelic!
And so the warm feeling of his being grabs me by accident, I never did choose him, in my mental faculty, he was never to be desired. So how did we end up here? Him, so married. Me, not sure if I am yet a fully blown “Poisonous Ivy”
So, here I am looking beyond this heart, caught up in the chaos of teaching this heart to stay off taken souls. “He’s taken”, I say. And in that moment I break my own heart and mend it back again.
So when I stare at the mirror tonight, I will speak life to the heart...to beat only after that which is attainable. To lift my song into the arms of a free soul. “But isn’t that choosing?” You say.
What is choice if you cannot get the desire of your heart?
