HUMANS OF MY WORLD: Selah Moments

The other day, I saw you grieve...

Your loss brought me back to this

 reality.

The other day you shaved your honor in mourning.

I mourned with you...

But even then I felt my heartbreak on the things I wanted to do for you yet felt short in my ability.

I sit here and think of you...

Yet my thoughts in this moment, don’t count for your freedom.

                        Selah 

You are the epitome of achievement.

Or maybe in my smitten stance I see only your greatness.

The other day you made my heart skip beats...

And today I don’t know where the boundary line lies.

I think of you and then tell myself to keep you in a place of awe other than of mutual love.

But what if what you feel, is a mirror of my very being?

                           Selah

You are everything I would have loved to have.

You are the one the future would look amazing with.

You are flawed but yet I see the beauty of who you are.

Maybe I see what I want to.

Maybe you are everything I choose not to see.

                         Selah

Beloved Bestie, the one who gets me before others...

In your difference I mirror my very likeness.

You are the best companion to do life with.

In the chaos and shortness of this life, I have enjoyed taking the ride with you.

You are the safest place a heart can go to.

                       Selah

And then there’s you, you who is the full roundness of me.

I am incomplete without a journey into your life.

You who has carried me on this journey...

Who has cried for me without showing it...

Who has loved me unconditionally.

Life without you is hard to imagine.

Because in you, I am and I love you fiercely.

                         Selah

The trail of your irresistible hearts has left me with a story written on my heart.

The women and the men that have marked the highlights of my journey.

Humans of my world.

ON BOBI WINE AND THE VISION FOR THIS COUNTRY

After his interview on NTV a lot of Ugandans have been quick to dismiss the vision Bobi wine has for this country and the dimensions of which he will execute his presidency. From time to time, I have thought that Mr. Kyagulanyi is a change driver and not necessarily the best placed person to deliver the nation that we want but we are at a place where to live in the status quo is more detrimental than to have change happen. We need change to manifest and we need to see it as soon as possible. The dimensions of policy and economics  are a thing in play that will come along the way. But for one man to think that he can hold a whole nation at ransom is rather a place to start our discourse.

Omuntu wa wansi does not know any fiscal policy when he is being evicted from his land by angry megalomaniacs and most definitely they will not know those dynamics when they cannot afford one meal a day. The fallacy that orators make the best presidents should stop and while I acknowledge that Mr. Kyagulanyi failed to sell his brand of presidency in the interview we cannot dismiss his revolve for change in this land. The practicability of how he is going to do it, is something that he needs to start to polish with his team.

It is rather unfortunate that the so called elite are quick to dismiss Mr. Kyagulanyi on principles many of them cannot articulate as well. I am very certain that there is no way knowing the GDP of this land has changed many lives because in the hindsight we glorify GDP and forget to look at the quality of human life.The reality of what is behind fiscal policies and GDP is manifest in the quality of life our people live, the impunity and the digress that is evident in all spheres of this land. So don’t be so eager to dismiss the role Mr Kyagulanyi plays in making it easy for the people to see areas of change. Oration never makes for change and I am more confident in a struggle where the people can acknowledge that we need change in leadership and there after we can figure out how to go about that change.

I am very skeptical to go back to the polls with an old man that has declared himself the only visionary for the land, I am more overwhelmed to even go to the polls with an opposition that has the same Men parading themselves as the change makers. Something has to change, the old men need to let the youth take on and then lead them onto the journey ahead. Instead of Mr Besigye dying to seat in the presidential seat, I would be very happy to see him advice Hon Kyagulanyi and take him under his wing. It would make for better sense to see a united front on issues that will deliver change for us.

We are faced with dire poverty, bad health care, no schools, high unemployment levels and the only thing worrying Ugandans is how fiscal knowledge is going to deliver change. Are you even kidding me? I need to get a job, a good job because I have the skills for it and I have the knowledge for it but I cannot because I don’t hail from a particular region and I don’t have people in government to push me there and some dumb head is sitting in a job they clearly know nothing about and are probably getting paid for just sitting and you are here telling me about GDP and the crap. Can we get real? We have real issues that suffer the common man and that is what Mr. Kyagulanyi is trying to tell you. If the revolution ever fails, it will be at the expense of the so called elite.

PROSCRIBED LOVE

I’d like to think that Love is a choice, many claim it is but Love is more free will than we would like to think. You love who you love.

Looking back, the actions of my heart have left me questioning my moral valve, my integrity and most of all myself. “Is it possible that of all beings your heart would choose a married man?” I asked myself on one of those long “look in the mirror “ moments. 

To which I have found no answer. I am not sure it is anything to do with my morals but more to do with my heart.

The heart wants what it wants. The heart wants to have it all, Is it selfish? Maybe. Do I act on what I feel? Maybe, Maybe not. 

You see, he is going to call and I am going to shiver through my being. He is going to say my name, in ways I have never heard my name spoken. Whoever thought a three letter name would sound so angelic!

And so the warm feeling of his being grabs me by accident, I never did choose him, in my mental faculty, he was never to be desired. So how did we end up here? Him, so married. Me, not sure if I am yet a fully blown “Poisonous Ivy”

So, here I am looking beyond this heart, caught up in the chaos of teaching this heart to stay off taken souls. “He’s taken”, I say. And in that moment I break my own heart and mend it back again. 

So when I stare at the mirror tonight, I will speak life to the heart...to beat only after that which is attainable. To lift my song into the arms of a free soul. “But isn’t that choosing?” You say.

What is choice if you cannot get the desire of your heart? 

25

If anyone had told me that at 25 I will be dealing with unearthing the shape of my true self, I would have told them how crazy they are.

But here we are, shaping into the core of what will be me for a very long time, embracing the truth of who I choose to be and who I want to be. Shaping the narrative of what will be said of me. Here I am.

Learning that not everyone is as good as their word. Struggling to live with that truth.
Learning that I am strong and yet vulnerable and that is where the balance of life is.
Healing the brokenness with in me, embracing the imperfections in me. Crying, healing and resurrecting from the pains of being.

And doing life.

The hard bits of 25 have brought me back to the person in the mirror. Embracing me yet again. Soaking in the truth that, there will never be a more important person than the image in the mirror, me.
And yet choosing the way of love, to share of myself to those that need me. Selflessly, embracing uncertainty, choosing light and soaking in hope.

The hard days of 25 have taught me patience, grace and Selah(to pause and ponder). There are more selah moments now than ever. Times when wisdom beckons, times when deeper truths come forth and stubbornly sit at the center of my heart.

And then, there I am at 25, in the rawest form of being. Me being real, embracing a world that is capable of loving me and hurting and yet...I show up everyday with a smile from the wells of my heart.

25