ON JOURNEYS TOO BROKEN

And there I was, me the master of chaos

Caught up in a lovers trail

Two people who had just gotten engaged carried all of us broken as we were to celebrate their new milestone 

And there he was, the epitome of my mistakes. Him who felt like home for very many years or maybe the thought of home in him overwhelmed me I had no way around not seeing his unreadiness.

And so the night wavered on, me more angry than the moment I walked in. Not sure if I loved this man or loathed him. And so the bottle in front of me did the talking, I tried to swallow but what do you swallow when every glance towards him brings me pain and an ache I couldn’t dismiss even if I wanted to.

And so the hours went on, me not sure what to do with him and him...Well I might never know where he stands through it all. You see, he taught me not to trust the tongue...not even from the person whose presence awakens me in all areas of my life.

Citizen engagement is pivotal for the National dialogue.

In the ever-receding space for dissent in Uganda, we need to continually create shock absorbers and tension deterrents for the people and government. Our history of bloodshed disqualifies war as an alternative solution to our differences and so dialogue is the way to go.

In the post- independence era, Uganda has gone through civil wars, coup-d'etats and turmoil yet here we are inspite of the journey that got us here. In the wake of our desire to create a better Uganda for ourselves and those coming after us, we need to encourage dialogue on how we get ahead in our journey as a Nation.

The Uganda National Dialogue convened by the Inter-Religious Council of Uganda and The Elders Forum Uganda, is one unprecedented platform working towards “The Uganda we want. For a successful process, the inclusion and participation of the local citizenry is paramount. Platforms at the grassroots, therefore, must be created to cultivate a national character of the dialogue.

 At its fulcrum, the national dialogue should be inclusive and citizen owned. We want a dialogue that is not just a project but rather a soul searching reflection to fix our existential political, economic and social issues. This dialogue can stop Ugandans from plunging into a war or civil uprising; the National dialogue is framed to provide adequate platforms for all stakeholders to channel their ideas and opinions.

Incorporation of discussions and debate on local, national and international levels as a means for local and regional officials to hear the community views on public issues is of great importance. The upside of an informed citizenry is that they can hold their leaders accountable and task them to perform better and improve service delivery to their constituencies. It is therefore imperative for us to push for dissemination of information on dialogue to the smallest unit of governance in Uganda.

In fostering dialogue, we can find working solutions within our communities, using a blend of traditional informal systems like local and city council meetings and new digital solutions for dialogue like social media, video interfaces, and mobile applications among others. Civic engagement reaffirms the need for inclusion and transparency and deliberate public participation. Broad participation can be achieved by linking local dialogues to the national dialogue and that can be fully realized in the public consultations on the eight thematic issues highlighted by the dialogue.

 Adding digital solutions to dialogue in the wake of digital space dominance can improve citizen participation by continuing civic dialogue online. Ugandans can then use the available platforms to raise funds, track on the progress of the dialogue within their communities and follow media appearances of their leaders and conveners.

Key to note is that dialogue is not necessarily absent in our society but in abeyance. We are a generation that would rather talk at each other than talk to each other. As Ugandans, we need to champion ownership of change and in discourse we make room for civic engagement and public legitimacy of the dialogue process.

Therefore, educating Ugandans on how dialogue processes work influences their participation because an enlightened citizenry is more aligned to ask for better service delivery, accountability and engagement. With an agenda that addresses the underlying issues of our country, a clear mandate on all processes that the National dialogue will undertake, we can use the best practices herein to achieve our desired goal and vision for a better Uganda.

Tricia Gloria Nabaye.

RESEARCH FELLOW AT GREAT LAKES INSTITUTE FOR STRATEGIC STUDIES

ON WHY WE DIE SO EASILY

I remember a few years back, Out of the blue, I developed a teratoma in the most unexpected places-the butt cheek. I spent over three months asking the nurses I worked with at the hospital what that was and for some reason it never dawned on me that asking a doctor was an option:One, because the doctors that were available were male and Two: The plastic surgeon was not around. Eventually the pain grew on me and as timely as the universe can be sometimes, the surgeon showed up when I couldn’t take the pain anymore, amidst my fear of him seeing my butt, I went in and saw him, had surgery scheduled that very day and had the procedure to remove the teratoma.

Looking back on the possibilities of a graver situation and the time I spent worried of the male doctors and them seeing my butt, I realized that they are many people that show up just a little too late to be helped out of their demise.

I have heard many times doctors say, “If only you had come earlier” sometimes some just give a stern exclaim;”If you had come a day late, it would’ve been bad news” And it got me thinking, why are we scared of the one thing that could give us hope? I know many people worry that going to the hospital to do checkups is tempting the devil or evil beckoning things that are not there in the first place but the upside to knowing your health status is in surviving grave situations.

We need to invest in our health and in finding help sooner than later. In saying that, I realize that it has been a few years since I last had a dental appointment and absurdly it has taken tooth sensitivity to create a desire to check in with the dentist never mind the fact that I am a little scared to show the dentist my teeth lest he is in awe of the damage and the length of period it took me to check in.

So I am going to go nevertheless, To get fixed, for it is ever so useless to take care of the material things like cars(have them serviced) Renovate houses, only to have your system bail out on you.

ON WHY IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO UNITE UGANDANS FOR ANY PROGRESS TO BE ACHIEVED

As a Ugandan, my biggest challenge has been to identify as one in a pool of sects that lie across the divide and have been ingrained in the population of this land.

We are divided by language, tribal orientation, political belonging among other trivial aspects like football most especially European teams. In as much as society is made out of belonging, the bigger face of our identity would be “Ugandan”. We are supposed to be first Ugandan before we subscribe to any other sect of our society. 

Peculiar of us, is that we are more Ugandan abroad than home. We identify more with our nationality away from home and the thirst to escape this land keeps on growing by the day.

This is the first discussion point in the long journey of creating progress in most of the initiatives for transformation in Uganda. We need to unite as a people raised in diversity which for the better part should be good, because everyone ultimately has something to offer to the transformation of our nation. I have seen Ugandans unite and come together and express their "Ubuntu" on many occasions. Ugandans have supported the National teams unconditionally.

 Ugandans run successful health drives to help the ailing Ugandans in our society. And so it is in that spirit that one can arguably conclude that the sense of oneness and community is not alien to us.

Therefore; in the vie for development and transformation of our country, we as the people need to push for patriotic oneness embedded ever so strongly in our heritage as Ugandans. It is of great importance because everything else that we are to accomplish as Ugandans lies in our ability to realize our duty as Ugandans.

The truth in the slogan, " Together we stand, divide we fall" is evident in our history as a nation from the colonial times, when the colonialists implored divide and rule to conquer Uganda. Our strength as a people lies in standing united, in bringing our diverse heritage and forge away forward as one people, in taking pride in our diversity and Ugandaness.

We need to unite and push for Nation pride and be supportive of home grown products and services. We need to support initiatives that put Ugandans at the forefront of their development and governance. In loving our country and uniting for its betterment lies our ability to work together, prosper together and progress forward as a Nation.

In the words of Jesus Christ, "And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand". Mark 3:25

ON VOICES OF DISSENT IN UGANDA

Uganda is a diverse Nation in construct, Different forms of diversity not only identify us but also distinguish us from the many people in this land. We hail from different regions, that are composed of different tribes that speak different languages. we also as a people, practice different religion. 

Such diversity should be able to elevate us into achieving different goals for the greater good so we can grow as a Nation. Our differences are meant to increase our productivity in the long run.

Being multi-lingual, with a multi party system as well, Uganda has created representation of people of all divides everywhere.  But like our divisions on tribes, unfortunately our political parties represent religion, tribal orientation before they represent our political bearing and values.

With such an enabling environment, the unity of Ugandans has become elusive and abstract in nature. This has ultimately stifled the role of dissent in pushing governance and development ahead. We as a people have been brought to a cross road, where to speak the truths of this land almost sounds like being anti-government and this is evident in the;

The level of intolerance among each other; 
We have become very intolerant of each other's views and have become both defensive and dismissive in our discourse.
Our reality has come to a place where we cannot  talk to each other without the looming cloud of sects.

The creation of catalyst to deter dissent;
Government through the Public Order Management Act(2013), has left no room for other political parties to exercise their freedom to assemble. The Act holds a bias on a small sect of people in society and it has also exposed the impartiality of the military and police forces in implementing this law. And so, if you speak contrary to the status quo of government, you are labelled "anti-government" and from there on are treated as such, and consequently will be caught up in a witch hunt,with the security organs of the land.
And it is the witch hunt, arbitrary arrests and elimination of voices of dissent that has made it hard for democracy to thrive in Uganda.

We need voices of dissent to create a balance in the discourse and engagements that push for the development of this land. We need to create a society that adheres to and embraces dissent and the different faces of democracy for without them this becomes a dictatorship, where the decisions of the day take only one individual to make at the expense of a whole Nation.

Dissent fosters objectivity and checks impunity, for where alternative voices are given audience, new strategies to governance and democracy are welcomed and used for the greater good. So we need to work towards achieving a society that can accommodate  the different voices that make this land unique in its construct.

Poetry for Stella

Dr Mama...
The writer of redeeming words,
The undresser of the oppressor,
Dr Mama...
The chief-tress of the brain users,

I pen truths to speak of your struggle;
I make words bleed with imagery of your sacrifice.
We never deserved the love you  have offered this land.

Yet you journey on,
Painting the way of this land using your lingual.
And I will let the pen scribble...
Of terrible births that have caused our demise!

Of greedy men that have eaten our innocence away;
Of the children of this land...dead in slumber,
Of some blinded by stolen loot.

I embrace your struggle mama...
We work for your freedom Mama...
We lay restless for a cause burning in our hearts because of you.

We wage war for you... Dr. Mama.

ON BOBI WINE AND THE FACE OF THE STRUGGLE

When I look at Hon. Robert Kyagulanyi Sentamu a.k.a Bobiwine, I think of Thomas Sankara and his guitar, I think of all the legendary guitars and musicians that went silent in the face of political strife. Music has for so long been an instrument of change.

In view of the recent cancellation of his Kyarenga extra concert, the witch hunt and ongoing house arrest that suffers Hon. Kyagulanyi, one starts to questions the working of human rights laws in Uganda, the loyalties of the Uganda Police Force and the rule of democracy. The normal procedures of arrests have been violated, the workings of the law been undermined and abused in view of the person of Hon. Kyagulanyi. 

We have been here before, in 2016, we witnessed the brutal arrests and man handling, we have walked through the trauma of witnessing police brutality and without a doubt, and people came out and had an opinion about it. Demonstrations happened that most times ended up in tear gas and deaths. But the last time we had these episodes it was against the former Presidential candidate Dr. Besigye Warren Kiiza.

So why is an episode that is unprecedented meeting the same contradictions? Is there something in our push for human rights and justice that was not remedied that we ended up in the same fracas three years later? Is there redress in the rule of law that we have ignored and we find ourselves at the same dispensation?

Hon. Kyagulanyi says that he has been waiting for the court ruling on the dismissal of their concerts since 2017.As I write, the Concert promoters have filed a case involving all Bobi wine concert appearances for redress in the courts of law.

And even then, as I write the police are preparing to file criminal charges against Hon. Kyagulanyi that he will need to answer. While still camping at his house and holding him under house arrest in what has been termed as “preventative arrest”

I borrow the words of Bobi wine, “Mwebeleremu!” The people need to find purpose within the cause of Hon. Kyagulanyi; the tribulations of the people are not any different from the very things Hon. Kyagulanyi faces today. The collective voice of the people, civil society and human rights bodies needs to be heard far beyond the media and press address on the human violations that suffer Hon. Kyagulanyi as first and most a citizen of this country

The death of the rule of law, the impunity of the government operatives, and the apathy of the citizenry has become the defining face of Uganda and it is important for us as a people to take back the reigns of order. The people need to be empowered to find reason to make sense of what democracy is and what it is not in the Uganda experience. 

We need to foster dissent in the political spaces of Uganda in order for us to have the ability to accommodate different political actors in the politics of Uganda.

As a country, we also need to have a streamlined definition of the role of police in the protection of the people because I am very certain that the very police deployed to deter the Kyarenga Concert would have been used to protect the revelers.

So it is a question of whether there is a chance for the reign of the law in Uganda. Can we as the people of Uganda, civil society and the powers that be work towards fostering the rule of law and democracy in Uganda? When we can have common grounds on where we go from here on, then we can have a chance to work towards change.

FEELS FROM THE VOID: Of empty depths

Empty feels real some days,

The days that you feel like you need some normal,

 that keeps evading you.

Empty feels real right now,

To know that there is no person waiting on the other side of the road.

To be waiting on nothing,

To have nothing to look forward to,

That void only you learn to

fill with your own little workings.

But man was born for relationship,

And man thrives in love.

So to look in the mirror and love myself has come easy,

But the overflow has not found a vessel to drain in.

And so I embrace the loneliness...

I embrace the rawness of this void...

I hold this empty for a moment...

Until I hold something that feels warm and real for a

while.

I am empty, void and caught in the pain of not finding

you...

I need you to find me sooner than later...

Not to fill the void but to make this void have purpose.

To give to me another piece of the story that is missing, for the moments to make sense.

I need you to show up and stir up the storm of life beckoning to exists.

MEETING #26

My birthday is in six days and I am starting to have an overwhelming nauseating feeling that I am not ready.

I am not ready to meet 26. I feel inadequate walking into a new year unsure of what the plan is, mostly because 25 ended up with an altered plan. Yes, there was a lot of growing that came with 25 but then what do I take into 26, is a question I wrestle with.

The truth that I am not as young as 20, hits home more now than even at 25. I am into the journey of my late 20s. I am more aware of the responsibilities and consequences thereof that come with 26. 

I am scared of not knowing what to imagine a few days from now. I know it will be a normal walk into Thursday because when I think about it, something will definitely change as well within.

So here I am at the finish of a quarter of a century, not sure of what changes will come but more aware of how much I am growing, I am changing and most importantly how many things I am learning to embrace. Oh the struggle with embracing 26.

I am scared, I have questions to what my life would be like if all factors had remained constant. I have doubts and questions of whether I am doing a great job at living and at adulting.

I know I don’t need to overthink growing but with dreams that need actualizing, I have moments of life editing. I see life through lenses of what I have accomplished on this journey. I am not sure if I am doing enough and even if I was, I am not sure I know what that is.

So I walk into 26, with a sulk I cannot avoid and a calmness I am choosing to master. I walk into 26, unsure but determined. I go with no plan but resolve. With heart and drive. Only because, in many years, my heart and gut have proved to be good allies.

I go into 26, raw with emotion but alive.

HUMANS OF MY WORLD: Selah Moments

The other day, I saw you grieve...

Your loss brought me back to this

 reality.

The other day you shaved your honor in mourning.

I mourned with you...

But even then I felt my heartbreak on the things I wanted to do for you yet felt short in my ability.

I sit here and think of you...

Yet my thoughts in this moment, don’t count for your freedom.

                        Selah 

You are the epitome of achievement.

Or maybe in my smitten stance I see only your greatness.

The other day you made my heart skip beats...

And today I don’t know where the boundary line lies.

I think of you and then tell myself to keep you in a place of awe other than of mutual love.

But what if what you feel, is a mirror of my very being?

                           Selah

You are everything I would have loved to have.

You are the one the future would look amazing with.

You are flawed but yet I see the beauty of who you are.

Maybe I see what I want to.

Maybe you are everything I choose not to see.

                         Selah

Beloved Bestie, the one who gets me before others...

In your difference I mirror my very likeness.

You are the best companion to do life with.

In the chaos and shortness of this life, I have enjoyed taking the ride with you.

You are the safest place a heart can go to.

                       Selah

And then there’s you, you who is the full roundness of me.

I am incomplete without a journey into your life.

You who has carried me on this journey...

Who has cried for me without showing it...

Who has loved me unconditionally.

Life without you is hard to imagine.

Because in you, I am and I love you fiercely.

                         Selah

The trail of your irresistible hearts has left me with a story written on my heart.

The women and the men that have marked the highlights of my journey.

Humans of my world.

ON BOBI WINE AND THE VISION FOR THIS COUNTRY

After his interview on NTV a lot of Ugandans have been quick to dismiss the vision Bobi wine has for this country and the dimensions of which he will execute his presidency. From time to time, I have thought that Mr. Kyagulanyi is a change driver and not necessarily the best placed person to deliver the nation that we want but we are at a place where to live in the status quo is more detrimental than to have change happen. We need change to manifest and we need to see it as soon as possible. The dimensions of policy and economics  are a thing in play that will come along the way. But for one man to think that he can hold a whole nation at ransom is rather a place to start our discourse.

Omuntu wa wansi does not know any fiscal policy when he is being evicted from his land by angry megalomaniacs and most definitely they will not know those dynamics when they cannot afford one meal a day. The fallacy that orators make the best presidents should stop and while I acknowledge that Mr. Kyagulanyi failed to sell his brand of presidency in the interview we cannot dismiss his revolve for change in this land. The practicability of how he is going to do it, is something that he needs to start to polish with his team.

It is rather unfortunate that the so called elite are quick to dismiss Mr. Kyagulanyi on principles many of them cannot articulate as well. I am very certain that there is no way knowing the GDP of this land has changed many lives because in the hindsight we glorify GDP and forget to look at the quality of human life.The reality of what is behind fiscal policies and GDP is manifest in the quality of life our people live, the impunity and the digress that is evident in all spheres of this land. So don’t be so eager to dismiss the role Mr Kyagulanyi plays in making it easy for the people to see areas of change. Oration never makes for change and I am more confident in a struggle where the people can acknowledge that we need change in leadership and there after we can figure out how to go about that change.

I am very skeptical to go back to the polls with an old man that has declared himself the only visionary for the land, I am more overwhelmed to even go to the polls with an opposition that has the same Men parading themselves as the change makers. Something has to change, the old men need to let the youth take on and then lead them onto the journey ahead. Instead of Mr Besigye dying to seat in the presidential seat, I would be very happy to see him advice Hon Kyagulanyi and take him under his wing. It would make for better sense to see a united front on issues that will deliver change for us.

We are faced with dire poverty, bad health care, no schools, high unemployment levels and the only thing worrying Ugandans is how fiscal knowledge is going to deliver change. Are you even kidding me? I need to get a job, a good job because I have the skills for it and I have the knowledge for it but I cannot because I don’t hail from a particular region and I don’t have people in government to push me there and some dumb head is sitting in a job they clearly know nothing about and are probably getting paid for just sitting and you are here telling me about GDP and the crap. Can we get real? We have real issues that suffer the common man and that is what Mr. Kyagulanyi is trying to tell you. If the revolution ever fails, it will be at the expense of the so called elite.

PROSCRIBED LOVE

I’d like to think that Love is a choice, many claim it is but Love is more free will than we would like to think. You love who you love.

Looking back, the actions of my heart have left me questioning my moral valve, my integrity and most of all myself. “Is it possible that of all beings your heart would choose a married man?” I asked myself on one of those long “look in the mirror “ moments. 

To which I have found no answer. I am not sure it is anything to do with my morals but more to do with my heart.

The heart wants what it wants. The heart wants to have it all, Is it selfish? Maybe. Do I act on what I feel? Maybe, Maybe not. 

You see, he is going to call and I am going to shiver through my being. He is going to say my name, in ways I have never heard my name spoken. Whoever thought a three letter name would sound so angelic!

And so the warm feeling of his being grabs me by accident, I never did choose him, in my mental faculty, he was never to be desired. So how did we end up here? Him, so married. Me, not sure if I am yet a fully blown “Poisonous Ivy”

So, here I am looking beyond this heart, caught up in the chaos of teaching this heart to stay off taken souls. “He’s taken”, I say. And in that moment I break my own heart and mend it back again. 

So when I stare at the mirror tonight, I will speak life to the heart...to beat only after that which is attainable. To lift my song into the arms of a free soul. “But isn’t that choosing?” You say.

What is choice if you cannot get the desire of your heart? 

25

If anyone had told me that at 25 I will be dealing with unearthing the shape of my true self, I would have told them how crazy they are.

But here we are, shaping into the core of what will be me for a very long time, embracing the truth of who I choose to be and who I want to be. Shaping the narrative of what will be said of me. Here I am.

Learning that not everyone is as good as their word. Struggling to live with that truth.
Learning that I am strong and yet vulnerable and that is where the balance of life is.
Healing the brokenness with in me, embracing the imperfections in me. Crying, healing and resurrecting from the pains of being.

And doing life.

The hard bits of 25 have brought me back to the person in the mirror. Embracing me yet again. Soaking in the truth that, there will never be a more important person than the image in the mirror, me.
And yet choosing the way of love, to share of myself to those that need me. Selflessly, embracing uncertainty, choosing light and soaking in hope.

The hard days of 25 have taught me patience, grace and Selah(to pause and ponder). There are more selah moments now than ever. Times when wisdom beckons, times when deeper truths come forth and stubbornly sit at the center of my heart.

And then, there I am at 25, in the rawest form of being. Me being real, embracing a world that is capable of loving me and hurting and yet...I show up everyday with a smile from the wells of my heart.

25

TO THE ONE THAT HOLDS THE TORCH

To him that carries the torch;

We see you,

We hear  you.

In the midst of this busy life,

We hinge our journey on your truth,

Because we listen.

We listen and take to heart,

We see you in the eyes of change,

We see you in the hope of a Nation,

We see you, for you are the one we have been waiting for.

And we walk towards the light that you emit

We walk to get a shimmer of your tenacity

That we might get a chance to change this city.

And see the winds of change sweep the men out of their day slumber...

A man I know had a dream... 

In oblivion we gazed but yet the reality of it now lives with us.

So in your hope, we sit and believe for better,

In your zeal we pen our passions,

In your tenacity we have mastered a stubborn persistence.

You hold the torch to the journey ahead.

Stepping in every footprint you leave behind, we trek on.

May your light never lack the oil that fuels the fire to dream for such a Nation.

For your dreams awaken the hope in our contention.

Let there be light...always.

BROKEN

And there I sat,

Leg lurched and my heart un bound.

Silently wailing...

Not one more

Not one more

They never did teach us what mastering love looks like.

They never did teach us what breaking felt like.

They put us here only but to learn on the journey.

And there I was torn yet again...

And this one left a sting  and muscle.

There I was building a strong wall,

A wall to cut off the drama of understanding a human soul.

Not one more

Not again

Not another heart break

This one i will live through 

But this heart is done feeling

This heart is done reaching out

This heart is fast bound

Not one more human

Not one more undress

Not one more embrace

Not one more

As the last one walked away

I knew a sure thing

I was done dating sons of men

For they have thicker skin than I do

I might not know what this heart will survive on

But the love of men is broken

Deceitful 

Washed out

Scarred

So I pick this fragile heart

I pick this crushed soul

I pick this little hurt girl

And take her in my arms

And love her 

For in the reality of life

I only have me