And there I stood, The mirror showing me a reflection of an innocent yet experienced little lady. How did I end up here? How did I make it through the journey of life, untouched yet so used! I stood there in pale likeness to the me that I used to be, held back by a lot of the chaos life has caused to run through my journey.
Screaming, "HELP ME LORD" and standing in sorrow but with no tears to make me hold back myself. I knew... I knew a lot, yet I had as well touched very little. Then, I heard a voice speak from with in...In little gulps for air.
I asked the image in the mirror to relate with my journey, A little lady with a journey not spoken, a journey travelled but with loads to carry... the cares of life should not deter living, yet they do! How is anyone ever ready for life? I had sinned in subtle yet profound ways. I had found that evil is incarnate and real and definitely not far from me. I had walked a journey of men and women in flesh.
How did I get it perfectly wrong?
That I could be the center of affection of the momentary whims of a great man in my eyes, that while I had a strong affection for him, my pride wouldn't let me be just his thought-about thrill killer.
That I could have friends who bring out the best in me, yet fail to share my life with them fully.
That I would love God, yet sin without guilt.
How did I get it perfectly wrong?
That I could long for men who by far may never care for who I am....but that doesn't count for the heart, if it loves...it just loves. Yet, yet in moments of sanity, the mind tells you otherwise, that you have it within you to let God lead no matter what.
A puzzle of sorts life has become, Mirror. That this little lady has grown at the rubbing of each minute. That life has changed the way things were...or maybe never were.
Mirror dear, tomorrow's confusions may have to wait, for my plate is full, full of disgust but yet again glimpse of pride.
Of how I got it perfectly right?
For the woman I am becoming and the beauty I am polishing. For the lessons I am learning, for the men that pursue me, for the God I am learning, for the Mary I am tearing down, for the Shulamite woman I am becoming and the Proverbs 31 woman I am polishing. I am getting there by the passing of the wind...oh yes I am.
As I battle with the demons of life that make it hard to see the beauty with in, I am becoming that which HE called me to be...his child.
I am learning to fall and rise again, I have learnt how to say no, how to fight my own flesh out bursts and like a grown woman, I am learning to hold on to the sanity that comes from knowing HIS will.
And yes, though pale, as I stood there before the mirror, I saw a beauty that is being shaped not in time spent in anything, but in the mirror of the word of the Lord.
How am getting it so right?
