TO TAKE OFFENSE OR NOT.

DANIEL 3:17-18"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18"But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."

Many times, we lose our patience with God and we end up in a position of irritability towards God and man.Granted that things always do not go as planned in our lives and they cause us to question not only God's protection over our lives but also God's existence in our lives. So then we become irrational in a couple of decisions we make after that, because we feel we have been offended by God.

But when you witness the confidence, brevity and faithfulness in the words of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednago in the ability of their God to deliver them and how they were ready for anything regardless of whether the Lord came to their rescue or not.

Today, my phone(my baby) gave me a feel of what it means to delight in any circumstance that the Lord presents, Yes, it was ringing and Yes, it was picked from my bed when I had taken a bathroom break from reading a book. So there I was, irritated with the fact that it could disappear in a moment's time yet still be available through the night and through the day. I was then about to find cause to blame God, but the Daniel 3:17-18 brought me back to reason, you see the word of God is capable of correcting, rebuking and admonishing us according to 2 Timothy.

So, I sat and ask the Lord, that he be my everything, granted that I was sad-mad that my phone had been stolen, I was glad that I could say, "Whether I get my phone or not, I was going to delight in the Lord." It was not a case of deliverance but a case of know my God. I was sure of who I was serving and the things that He can do to bring me to my desired end. So I was going to enjoy the flames as they burn with in me and I was not going to take offense about it.

I hope you too are enjoying the truth that the Lord has your best interests at heart and not even the flames of life's difficulties can make you hold God accountable to unfaithfulness.

GOD KNOWS: BY MINNIE LOUISE HASKINS(1875-1957)

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” 

And he replied:

“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.

THANK GOD FOR THE PENINAHS

 This week I went for my Tuesday Zoe fellowship and Apostle Anthony shared a word that made me think twice on how I view people that have decided to be my enemies. So he shared on the life of Hannah and Peninah. How Peninah made it her business to taunt and humiliate Hannah. You see, when someone does not like you, you feel like they are wrong and need to be corrected in their thoughts about you and how they don't find you as nice as you think you are. That's their judgement over you, you cannot change it but you can learn something new in the moments of friction that come with living with people that have a problem with who you are, how much you have achieved and where you are at in life.(Those are the kind that must have missed a lot of love in their childhood and in their adulthood.)

So, Apostle Anthony had something say about the Peninahs in our lives."Thank God for the Peninahs, for they wake you up in the middle of the night to pray, thank God for the Peninahs for they make it easy for your feet to touch the ground." That beat me to a new way to look at people that will go far and beyond in making a person's life a little hell.

So I am thanking God for my Peninahs, those that have made it their business to make my life a misery. I thank God for the times that I was made a praying Hannah until God came through. It has also taught me to thank God for the storms that show up. It is always a blessing to see hope in despair. I have come to see beauty beyond now and to appreciate the hurdles that have shown up on my journey on earth.

Now I know when God says that he makes, all things for good, for them that love the Lord. Now I can learn to look at people and situations as push aheads for my greater glory. For sure they do come with pain, and bruise the heart but I have also learnt that they also come with victory over things that used to take the place of the peace that we can get in them.
They are rendered powerless because then instead of dwelling on them, you learn like Hannah to cry for the Lord and to give it to the Lord at all times.

Revenge as nice as it smell as a dish, I have learnt like Hannah that God's vengeance is the ultimate gift we can give the Peninahs in our lives. So thank God for them and thank God for the victory that will come in the end.

THE TRUTH IN KNOWING GOD

Through this year, I have a desire is to find a deeper place in Christ. And while, I did not in the offset, have an idea of what I should do,I now do have a clear picture of what the Lord intends me to do in my search for a deeper experience of Him.

It is easy to desire more of God, after you hear about men that talk and commune with God. It is also easy to have a need for more of God. That desire and need is good. It is a good place to be but it is also not enough. The more I thought of the fact that, we know God, surly we do but we actually need to "know God" The dwelling knowledge of knowing him beyond the surface look that many have of Christ.

To dwell in his presence and interact with him(deeper than the almost asleep prayers) in a greater way. "It is about increasingly feeling and knowing the security of His love and enjoying His pleasure in us.There is a beautiful confidence that comes to us as we learn to dwell and remain in Christ,as He is in us."[www.brilliantperspectives.com]
When I came to the that revelation, I then knew that there is more to knowing God, than just "Jesus loves you." There was also the depth and he wants to have an intimate relationship with you and give you a moment of habitational comfort in his presence.

So I am in the midst of entering such a place with and in Christ. When John the Revelator says: "These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God." 1 John 5:13 KJV. I know what he means,that in knowing Christ ones needs to reach a point were communion with God, is a daily experience and it is more than just momentary praying and walking away but deep inclination to stay with His presence through the day and through the hours.

And now, the journey to knowing God on a personal ground is in motion.With a lot of talk of who God is and what God is not. I desire to see him in manifest of who He says he is to me; In Romans 1:19 ^" because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them" Holding on to this word I walk into the realms of His glory and search His word and presence deeper than I have through the years.

Granted that I will stay, truth is that the Lord has called me to such a communion. There is a lot of truth in what the Lord can do and if you have a determination to know nothing but Christ is when Christ sets in and amazes you and me. So if you ever desire to be in a place of complete bliss in Christ, work on that desire that you will be able to walk deeper into the place where God's mind is your own.A place where all that you are is a reflection of all that Christ is.

2015 GOES TO FAMILY: All in a few pictures.

Me and every one. Joan, Cathy,Stella,Louis and Cake!

Me, Cathy and Buky

 You never what you have until you lose, but also you never know what you have been missing until it arrives. I always had the feeling that there was more to this life than a grumpy little girl. It was the sense that I had a loving family. Growing up, I remember memories of love, sorrow and joy but when I look back on 2015, I am glad for the role family played in keeping me sane.

My right hand lady, we got this!

All my favorite people on Stella's wedding

2015 was about finding my very amazing family, 2016 will be about sealing these friendships and bonds. I love my big big family and I think I can finally grow fully with family around.

Me and my mummies

Me and Stella at Nandos

I have had the best memories of all to keep with these many people I can call, auntie, mummy, sister, cousins and everything family. Many times I might have forgotten how blessed I have been.But not anymore. I know what has been missing and it has arrived. Family.

me and little Gracie

Me and Julie at KFC

 So here is to family, to love, to laughter,to tears, to fighting,to reunion,to family. I pray that the Lord might teach me how to love my family better every passing months this year. Here's to many years of cherishing all the many miracles that have kept me overjoyed by family. Here's to a dreamy kind of existence.(That is faith duh!) Life can be dreamy, family can be dreamy and everything between can be more than dreamy.

WEDDING BLUES

(Written from reflections of 19th December.Stella's wedding.)

The weekend brought me some thoughtful memories of why I lord weddings.And why I would in anyway be delighted to be in the know of who the bride is.
This time it was my very own "Naka" who is probably taking honey to the moon! Love can be something Aalo! But let me take you through five amazing observations that were rebirthed in my sister's wedding.

1.The bride is always the bride.We looked good but darling,somewhat I realised you just can't beat the bride's aurora. You can keep trying dear bridesmaids.

2.The single men have the most important discussions that day,every single man even the photographer."Marriage is salvation" so the question of when are you getting saved is always in the air. If you see that young man in thought on a wedding,give him sometime to come to terms with words like,wedding,marriage,love,more love,babies,together,ours,us...in that moment he could use a definition that makes him decide on what to do. (But don't pay him attention it's not his wedding)

3.They always(everyone) start to feel so much love. I think I always fell for someone on a wedding day.And then woke up wondering why it was over soon. The married people see themselves for the first time re-living their own weddings.And me?I feel like a bridesmaid and every thing that I want to be.

4.If you didn't eat cake,you didn't (always remember) attend the reception. The beauty in one piece of cake is a seal to your memory. Everyone back home will ask for cake(count on it) They sound something like this,"Eeh,welcome back...you were really smart,have you brought some cake?" And when your serving cake,you never miss to here a madam say,I want to take some for my child at home and blah blah blah. So make sure you eat cake,please It's a matter of life and death (not really) but apart from "abagole bawoomye" the cake is your other story.

5a;The day ends and you feel all the anxiety leave. It was always there but it lets go just about then...when the decorators start to take their things. The bubble bursts and you can't believe how it kept around.The bride is very happy,the groom looks very "hero" like and the guest can't stop smiling. The day really happened,whatever way it happened.

5b; You finally realise how valuable your family is.I love love my family.They can be a handful sometimes but always a pleasure to have. Marriage after all is a union of two people from two families.
That is what I can remember before the wine...After the third glass,the rest I need to ask Aunty Jo for the lessons garnered.

THE FACE OF FAMILIARITY: Of rowdy bavubukka and ignorant children.

Do you hear that boda guy that confidently says, "Size yange" to mean "my size" Or that group of young men, that keep saying "baby" Or much worse, the little children that keep on screaming, "Muzungu,Muzungu" to mean "White person." Yet a few find it evident of the fact that we have a society of people that donot respect people. It is that plain and I  have a problem with it.

When out of my normal day, someone cries out an insult that they do not recognise as such, is very annoying. I take offence because I have seen the irritation on my friend Choi girl because, not once but for the four years she has been here, she has been called "muchina" and she does not find it funny, yet the spite goes on. Do we actually, realise that the erosion, in familiarity and disrespect is making us a society of very ill- mannered folks?

Where do we miss it? Is it in the upbringing that we are not told, to respect other people and there spaces, or is it in the fact that some categories of people in our society feel like no one can do a thing to them? Is it a lack in education or in moral upholding? It is very disgusting! Yuck! Who grew such people? Does anybody ever get the chance to talk with them and tell them that it is actually wrong to hiss, call people names and much so to sound racist to the foreigners that are in our country. Would we welcome such an experience, if we went to Europe and our identifying title on the streets will be"Africa,Africa?" I see many people getting mad at the mention that some black people were ill treated abroad yet we so easily brush off our own failure to stop it at home.

I long for a day, that I will pass by young boda men or young men in any sense and have them not disrespect my person. I long for a day, that regardless of the mental pictures men make while ladies pass, that they will not live out their immorality with brusque words like; "size yange' I am not your size, your brain says you could not think the way I do, your words say that you are confused on the picture of woman that you make in your head bavubukka!

 If anyone, including myself, get a chance to talk to those little children that scream "Muzungu or Muchina", May we in position to teach them different. If anyone, including myself get the chance to hear grown ass men, lash out"baby or size yange" may we be in position to teach them better, because when they say it of one mama, they say it of every woman, they demean every woman walking the land. I am tired of asking them if they breast feed, since they are looking for baby. I am tired of looking irritated yet the same thing will happen the next day or a few blocks away. I am tired of grown men that have no limits to their familiarity at all.
For in due time, they will sire children that learn from them exactly, what they do.

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

Whatever it takes, that was the place I was at in my life. I had decided that no matter what I was going to push on and make it through life. And in all of it, whatever it takes was what I was to do to get there. Such determination, is what wakes me up every day to push forward. I am ever determined to see a better tomorrow unfold before my eyes, but it has to take all of my strength.

Truth is our dreams are birthed in the presence of many obstacles, and while we pursue their existence we also have to deal with the many gray areas that make it hard to dream or to chase after some dreams. Yet, we still dare to dream. So I embarked on finding out what " whatever it takes" looks like in my world and here it is;

1. God; whatever it takes, was God! I was going to anchor God at the center of my dreams. Knowing above it all, was  God and his will for my life. I don't want to attain anything outside the will of God and much less anything against God. So if it took God, I was going to have God to get there.

2. My attitude; I choose to be positive even when the reality of my circumstances said different.It was either that I be positive in moving forward or positive in standing still. The journey to our dreams and success sometimes gets stagnant and we are held by many things in one place but I was determined to see to it that I move forward regardless of what the circumstance looked like, I chose to believe that I can beat the odds of life and that is the attitude I want to carry in doing whatever it takes.

3. My networks; there is something about a persistent person that I like, they are the real proof of not giving up as easy as giving up sounds. And that is why at all cost, I can push my networks to keep trying to get me somewhere so that I can be able to develop myself through the numerous ways they mold me. My networks have been my knowledge banks to learning in areas I lacked and they taught me the face of "keep going, we are here for you"

4.My quenched desire for better; there is always a gap that lingers in our dreams, the desire for better. I have wanted and desired to be a better version of me every rising day. It is called hope I guess...hope that things will turn out well.That has been far determinant in helping me to push for whatever it takes  to do what I do and how I do it.

Therefore; from the far end of the story, I can really say I did whatever it took to get there. Granted that I am not there yet but trust that I have come along way to reach here. It looks good from where I am standing. It looks promising and I am doing whatever it takes.

A GIRL'S GUIDE TO FURTHER STUDIES

P.S: Well this post, was never news paper worthy. But I am sure it worth my blog and the eyes that will read it.(some dreams like writing for a paper evolve with time.)

My friend has managed to do a degree in Development studies, pursue two certificates and enroll into Law Development Center for a diploma in law and she is just 24. It got me thinking of the lines that have been drawn for the girl-child and how slowly but surely they have as well been burnt down without very few obstacles but obstacles as well. It brought me back to the reality that the girl-child has actually beaten a lot of odds by the time she comes of age. So what happens to life as she goes on to pursue her dreams and find her purpose in this world but of course, without forgetting to settle down and raise a family? There should be a guide to a girl’s journey on her way to further education but of great importance I would love to share a few pointers, I have searched about and most importantly how to waive through that season to the desired goal at the end of the day.

The Tuition: While further studies, could mean anything, lately it is quite the norm to get a second degree or a masters degree or even anything equivalent. But as well, the question of tuition remains strong in that journey. If you are going to self fund, be ready to work hard as well. It is actually possible to work and study. Prepare before hand for the strain, so that you are not overwhelmed in the end by the fees structure. A lot of times, parents are willing to pay for the first degree and then let loose the child to fend for whatever studying comes right after, so thinking through the tuition is mandatory if one is off to pursue further studies.

The scholarship; between paying for English test, application fees one ought to think of how to get the best sale for a scholarship as well. So then, look for scholarships that have requirements easy to meet before the deadline. Have enough time to research and read about the programs offered and then apply to as many scholarships as possible.

The documentation: Many post graduate and other after university courses will call for documentation (especially scholarships) be ready to defend that degree that you have, or the research proposal availed. It is the strength of your documentation sometimes, that opportunities will be availed.

The balance: Hitting the balance between work and school can be a fuss, especially if work is as of great importance as the degree. Be willing to strike a balance between the two. Create as much time for school as for work so that there is no incompetence in the end.

The sacrifice: While a lot of times, the venture for further studies come after accomplishment of many things and maybe mastering in a field one requires to study in, there will be chances that sometimes the opportunity may arise before all that, be ready for the sacrifices or having a lot of things happen along the path of study. Things like marriage, children and a job among others may be put on hold for a while therefore brace yourself for the sacrifice.

The success: No journey is worth going, if the hope of success is faint, so with determination and zeal, work to succeed in your further studies. I have found that a point in time, it becomes very hard for masters’ and Phd students, to complete within the specified time. But regardless, of the circumstances work at finishing and finishing well.

Life will take us on different journeys, but the pursuit of our dreams is not without beating the odds and standing brave, as you head out, remember that while success is our ultimate desire, failure also does come with life lessons to embrace. Appreciate both.

Good luck scholar!

ON CONFUSION PARTICULAR TO THE HEART

There was my fair lady...Aminata. The little fragile lady, the reason my heart beat every time. There she sat under the starry sky and in the warm January night. Her beautiful smile, fading off in the gloom that surrounded her heart. Why was she stuck up in the web of all the emotions she would share with me. But I knew my little girl far better than any one else, And I knew she was suffocating with unresolved emotions deep within.

Truth  is no one ever teaches a mother the art of telling your little girl that one day, she will feel love and pain. That she will learn sooner than you think that there is actually no line between Love and hate. No, all your life as a mother, you seek to protect your little girl from such a reality. But soon they grow up and they find that man hurts and that the heart has a lot of emotion it feels outside their ability to control.They then find out that there is more to the heart than love, there are words like; heart break and feelings and choice and love and most of all, a lone lover.
It broke my heart  to see my once innocent little girl, there trying to figure out what happens in the reality of her  life, that she found out that as surely as the day unfolds, her heart will be experiencing emotions far from what she knew. Was it great advise to tell her not to awaken love until it so desires, but when was the right time that love would arise, was it now and I was being aloof to the fact that the season was open in my little girl's life or was I failing to see the grown woman before me?

She finally spoke out,already into the new day. In a soft whisper, she told me the state of her heart. The confusions of  growing up and the expectations that are indirectly placed before her. It was not that love was such a mystery, it was the fact that the story was a jumbled one. There she was at the start of life, caught between who to love and who not to, she fought back tears, looking at the past and realizing it was always, one step wrong or one step from never happening. 

"Mama, it is hard out there, trying to make sure you do not end up with the wrong person and falling in love only to find a wall...it is the mystery of why the heart finds interest in another soul and yet decides it wants nothing to do with another. It is painful to love and not to be loved back. So much so also for those that love me, but I cannot love them the way they so desire. And the cycle goes on. One moment I am pursuing Christ and another, there is a man in the picture trying to drive me from that course. And yet again am back here, with my heart more messed up than it left" 

And the mystery of life was there for Aminata to learn from but most of all to deal with. At least my little lady was not drowning in indifference. Yes, the journey of love is one everyone walks differently, I could never find the right words to tell my daughter, other than the truth that, someday this will be all worth it.
And as I sat there, not wishing upon the stars but gazing in the dead of night, I knew the face of strong, vulnerable and love. I knew the image of Aminata's heart and I knew, behind all the facade of self confidence and boldness and wordiness, my little girl was as human as she could. Because she was capable of feeling love, just not yet lucky to find it.